Saturday, October 22, 2011

pretty big mouth

So a few weeks ago I was invited to an 'outing' with the staff and students (trainers and trainees) of the vocation and transition classes. And, of course, I said yes. The trip was postponed and rescheduled a number of times. I didn't really believe it would happen until I was actually boarding the bus to head out. The staff who were going (myself included) had a meeting a few days before the trip. I was handed our itinerary and another page with information about who was to plan what. All in melay. I could hardly understand any of it. But I didn't care. I was sure someone would guide me through or I would understand through doing, "Oh we're going here now. I see..." I was a smidgen wrong.

I should probably write this with said itinerary in hand but I am too lazy to find it (this was over a week ago so forgive me if it's all foggy for me to recall). We left Seri Mengasih in the morning on a Friday and drove.... to somewhere. Then we walked around there and were told facts about something. It was pretty, whatever it was, and I took some nice pictures. It was hot. I do know that there was a building that had piles of soil made through the process of composting. I gathered that information through a translation from a friend, not from understanding the language. Later we went somewhere for lunch. We got back on the bus and went to the place where we were to stay. It was a catholic church or monastery (or something) more like a retreat center. It was very nice! I wasn't sure what the plan was so I took a nap for a couple hours. The lack of sleep from the previous week must have caught up to me. After dinner we had some large group time and the students told something about what they saw that day. Most were quiet and tired by this time. I should also mention we had a bit of a dance party before that. Some kids just love to dance and be silly. I like that. In the morning we walked up the hill from the area we were staying in to go somewhere. This part I could understand on the schedule but what we were to do there was still a mystery. At first I thought we were just walking through the grounds. Rumah orang-orang tua [old folks home] was our destination though. We greeted the old folks and gave them the goodies we had brought to share with them Biscuits, oranges, and apples. It was soooo cute. I felt out of place. I was embarrassed that I didn't know we were going there right then or what my duty would be there. I liked it though. Everyone was so sweet and happy. Malaysia doesn't have many places like this for a cultural reason. Families stay together and share living spaces so there isn't much need for rumah orang-orang tua. Still, our visit there was cute and full of smiles! Many were impressed with my attempt to speak melay and a few could speak english very well!

We had lunch and packed up to leave soon after visiting the orang-orang tua. We went to a supermarket and all the trainees were given a few dollars with the intention (I later found out) to see their understanding of having money. I was supposed to notice how the trainee/student I was paired with spent her money and if they understood the basic math or price. But I had no idea at the time and just looked around and shopped for myself. Ha! Oops!

This is the student I was paired with, Nhursyla. In melay the 'sy' makes a 'shh' sound and her name is said so quickly it usually sounded like Sheila, a name I recognize. Nhursyla is a sweetheart and I asked her to smile here. She really is happy I think (hope). We were bunk buddies for the weekend and I was supposed to keep track of her the entire time. I didn't know it then, but I was also supposed to grade her on her skills and behaviors after our trip.

We made another stop at a little monument but I have no idea what that was about or what town we were in. Luckily, all of this not knowing and confusion did not ruin the trip for me. I probably should have asked "where are we?" or "what are we doing here?" more often but I felt like figuring it out through doing and seeing for myself rather than admit that I truly had no idea what the activities written in the itinerary (in melay) entailed. I usually laughed to myself saying, "where the heck am I?" and that kept it from becoming overwhelmingly frustrating.

I said yes to this trip for a number of reasons.
1. Be outside of KK, experience life in Sabah
2. Get to know more students and staff better
3. Practice listening to and speaking in melay
4. Stupendous photo ops
5. Keep life interesting
And I'm glad I said yes.

I took a lot of pictures of flowers and other artsy photos. The ones in my previous blog are also from this trip. This was the first time I took pictures of the students I work with (these are only the older students from the vocation side and not the school side). I think it's important for you to see these pictures so that you can better visualize what my life is like. These students were so great! I have a lot of fun with all of them.

I hope you are all having fantastic moments wherever you are reading this. As always, thank you for reading and thank you so much for your prayers.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

prayers for rain

Time to be honest with you. I've had some rough weeks. Peter and I hit a bump in the road but are still happy together (though many miles apart). Mom was in Texas to help take care of a family friend who is battling cancer. She came back in time to leave again and go to Arizona to visit with Tante Mary in hospice care. Oy. I knew what that meant. She would be gone from this earth soon. But I was (am) so far away from all of my family so it seems like everyone is gone from this earth. Right? No. Not right. She died last week. And I miss her. And I miss everyone. Everyone dies eventually. That fact was what made me most worried to leave everyone for a year; "What if somebody dies?! I can't come to the funeral. I can't comfort other loved ones. I can't be with family or loved ones who understand. I'll be so far away." I'm glad I got to see Tante in May for graduation. Her laughter and smiles are still with me.
But today was difficult. It was Friday here (usually a stupendous thing) but Thursday October 20 in the United States. My parents and extended family on my mom's side would be celebrating Tante's life with (whatever you want to call it) a memorial service in Arizona. Mismatched earrings. October 20 is also Mom's birthday. That hurt too. For the first time since I got here, I looked around and did not want to be here; "Who are these people? What am I doing here? I wish I could be with Momma today, on her birthday, at Tante's funeral. Why am I working today? Who will allow me to cry on their shoulder? Can everyone tell that I need a hug and am on the verge of tears?" They could tell. Funny thing about Malaysians is they don't show public displays of affection. I've observed that it's really only teenagers at the mall walking really close to each other, parents hugging or kissing their child, and married couples holding hands. That's the most I've seen. "Who will hug me?!" Of course, my sweet makcik saw my face, eyes red, and asked me if I was sad today for some reason. She said it was a guess. I nodded and tried to explain through my handkerchief. I had already told a few coworkers and I thought they would explain for me so that I wouldn't have to do it again. I looked around and they were silent. She asked if I was homesick. I held up two fingers. "There are two reasons I am homesick right now. My auntie's funeral is today." I looked down at my watch. "Right now. Right now my parents are there and..." Tears. "And it's my mom's birthday!" She walked over to me. "Oh Allisun. It's okay. Don't cry. Ohh aww." She was hugging me. Right in the middle of the Arts and Crafts area with at least 7 trainees looking at us and maybe 4 staff members. Horrifying. (such a three) This is not how I want people to see me. No one knows what to do. I don't even know what I expect anyone to do in that situation! Hug the white lady? Look away? Leave the room? Hand her some tissues? I don't know if it's because of the language barrier but three people told me to calm down and not to cry. In my world, if I need to cry then I'm going to cry! I'll probably feel better too. I don't want to pretend that I don't want to cry. But I did. I wiped and sucked it all back. I looked at my work and continued with it. I was silent.
Throughout the day I let out big sighs. People noticed. They looked and said, "Kenapa [why], Allisun? No more crying okay?" I nodded. It's painful though. I came back to my room a few times today. The internet was pretty nonexistent and I just wanted to hear from loved ones and let them know that I was thinking of them. But no. Loneliness and homesickness at its finest. My original schedule has me off on Fridays starting at lunch time but after some reevaluation this week, Joan and I decided I would go to the meetings on Friday afternoon with the vocational trainers. I was all set to do that, assuming it would only be about an hour and loved ones would still be awake and online afterwards. The meeting went longer but still, I had hope I could make it. As soon as the meeting started to wind down... the rain came. And with full force. We had to end the meeting simply because we could not hear each other over the sound it was making on the roof. Lakes, instantly, appeared between the vocational side and the side that has my family members in the cyber world of my computer. Lightning. Crashing thunder. Leaks in the roof like waterfalls. And then genuinely feeling cold (a rare occurrence). "Good night Pacific Coast time zone. It was a nice try but there's no way for me to contact you, especially if I'm wearing TOMS, don't even have my umbrella, and it's raining buckets. When you do wake up, I'll have written this and said goodbye to October 20, 2011. Perhaps this sakit hati [sick/achey liver] will be finished with its sickness. I'll still miss you though. I'll still wish I could have been there. "




In all these things I remember that I am blessed. Blessed to have Tante in my life. Blessed to have a momma to wish a happy birthday. Blessed to be in Malaysia. Blessed with rain that nourishes the flowers and plants. Blessed with the ability to feel, breathe, weep, love. For all of this, I thank God.

Monday, October 10, 2011

missed the boat

Hey everyone!
I wanted to write about this idea; "God will provide." It's been crazy lately, how I ask for something or need something and it magically appears. Of course, that doesn't happen 100% of the time, but very often. Often enough for me to be amazed.

Like I've said before, my 'aunties' cook for me, quite a bit. I don't ask for it. I just go to them to say hello and they ask me to sit and then they ask me to eat. And then they ask me to eat more. I have a large supply of maggi (similar to ramen) that I can make anytime another meal opportunity fails to come up but I've only had to cook maggi once. Once. I could be sitting outside, watching the sunset, wondering to myself, "what am I going to eat? It's Friday and I have no plans. I'm lonely." Moments later I get a text message from another YAGM inviting me to eat with her. Wow! Stuff like that happens to me a lot. Even you all, my supporters, have shown that. I wasn't worried about raising funds for YAGM. I knew we could make it work, somehow. I could take money out of savings or sell my car. But I didn't have to do any of that. God provided! Through you! Above the goal! THANK YOU! It is very exciting. On Sunday I forgot what time I was supposed to leave for church and was all ready when I realized that I was totally late. I decided I would stay home, blog, sleep, be bored, instead. I was all set to skype my parents when I saw a friend in the kitchen looking like she was about to go to church. I asked her and she said I could come with her but to be aware that Catholic Mass is different from Presbyterian worship. No problem! And just like that, I was in the car going to church, something I really wanted to do and had concluded wasn't going to happen this time around. I tend to think God is helping make all of this possible. If not, then Malaysians can read minds. One or the other.

I went to a benefit dinner sort of event the other night and it was hilarious. I just said yes (free dinner, of course the answer is yes) and got in the car. I was most likely underdressed and nothing could have prepared me for this event! It had something to do with heart disease, "Society for the Sabah Heart Fund" raising money for kids with heart diseases. The food was all new stuff, all 8 courses of newness. But the entertainment was what made it funny! First there was a band, normal, nothing special. Then there was a man who sang with a really deep voice and almost sounded like he was from the United States. And then there was this Elvis Presley impersonator with the whole outfit and hip-shaking. Lastly, a beautiful young lady who has won all sorts of national awards for her voice and even won Malaysian Idol sang to us. She sang an Adele song, beautifully. Hil.Are.Ious. Just the whole situation. Why was I invited to this random thing with all this food and entertainment oh and the fancy pants guest of honors who must have been a big deal because we all had to stand up when they came in and when they left. Sure beats sitting at home studying Melay. Ha!

He's so great.

Hmm. The strangest thing we probably ate was this vegetable stew that had HUGE, whole mushrooms in it. Other new foods include the coffee flavored meat, sea cucumber soup (not a vegetable), and sweet like candy breaded chicken.

I've become even more confident in speaking Melay. I definitely need others to slow down or translate a few words when we're talking but I'm not afraid to do that. We have a new group of 3 or 4 nurses come in and stay for a week. They observe and help out where they can (sound like my job eh?). Well I don't interact with them much but last week I just straight up walked up to one of the ladies and shook her hand and told her all about myself. As much as I could remember how to say in Melay. I am very proud of myself! Sometimes I'm shy but Monday must have been a good day for me! If I introduce myself in Melay it can be a disaster because then the person I'm speaking with assumes I'm fluent and will talk quickly but this woman knew I was still learning. I really appreciated how she continued to greet me in Melay throughout the week even though her English is probably better than my Melay. Today the staff had a meeting and they asked me to stand up and introduce myself and I chose to do it in Melay. I think they were impressed, I'm not sure. I feel well on my way to fluent. I'll tell a student to work or "don't be lazy" and the way they look at me makes me feel like I'm saying it waaaay wrong. That's been a little frustrating for me. Last week we had some big changes. My friend who had been working in the Kantin moved to the bakery and the teacher at the bakery moved to the Kantin. My schedule has me in the Kantin nearly everyday so the teacher I had gotten to know left and I'm trying to adjust to helping out a different teacher. Also, the students from the transition class are 'trying out' the vocational locations for one or two weeks at a time. So the day there was a switch there was also an addition of a couple students in the Kantin. This is rough! I just got to know the Kantin trainees, they taught me what their job is, now there are two new faces and someone needs to teach them what to do. Am I the one to teach them? It's hard for students to listen to me if they can't understand me and I can't understand them, so it makes me feel awful. I think we'll figure it out somehow though. I like all of them! We have fun just being around and attempting to communicate or laughing. It makes me smile to just think about it.

I hate to break it to you but this isn't actually what the sunset looks like. But who knew that sunset photos with the flash on makes a pretty outstanding shot? I also randomly went outside today for my daily sunset watching and saw the most amazing one yet. So so so pretty. I felt very close to God. Then I realized that the sun I'm watching is making its way up in Chicago about the same time I watch it disappear. Haha! Insane, but beautiful. It was so peaceful with the waves and the stormy clouds but perfect colors. That's where I really get to pray. And listen. I'm loving my moments and days here. I love you all too! Thanks everybody!

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

these days

Greetings friends!!
I'm happy to report that my life is becoming routine here. This past weekend I took the minibus into town all on my own for the first time and the only bad part was the heat! I actually went to KK three times last weekend. That's a lot! I've hand-washed and machine-washed my laundry. I am still meeting staff but I know nearly everyone's name by now and am familiar with them. I don't know all the names of the students but that would require one-on-one time with each of them. I can even communicate more and more each day. I'm learning more phrases and words. I really like when I can listen and hear a word over and over and eventually assume its meaning. Languages are fascinating, but the psychologist of me is more fascinated by the way we learn languages, are born with ears and a mouth and (usually) the ability to use them, and how our brains actually grasp a new language. Being here and interacting, even if I can't fully understand, is a work out for my brain!

I've been going to a presbyterian worship service with my host auntie ("makcik" is a word used for a woman who is older than the speaker and whom the speaker greatly respects and actually translates as aunt. but she doesn't have to actually be related to the speaker to be called makcik. pakcik for uncle. but I don't have any host uncles) and I plan on continuing to go to worship with her because I like her and the people are nice too. We walk to the airport to catch a bus that takes us to the main terminal of KK. Then we walk a bit of a distance to worship which is at the top story of a building with a bakery and random shops at the ground level. The location itself is different from what I am used to. But did I have expectations about worship with my makcik? No. YAGM=no expectations. I've been to other churches since I've been in Malaysia and their basic outline is the same. "Worship" is the first 40ish minutes and then "service" is the last hour or so. Give or take about 15 minutes. Basically, the first half is music, songs, and prayers and the second half has all your basic liturgyness. I like how the lyrics for the songs are on the big screen up front and I can practice my pronunciation and speed and yet have no idea what it is that I am singing. I can tell it's good though. I can understand about 5% of the words in any given song, so that's a start. The sermons here seem more broken down by reading. We read a reading from the Bible and then the pastor preaches and prays and then we read the second reading and then the pastor preaches on that. I think. I can't understand it. But we bring our Bibles to worship with us. My makcik tells me the verse and I look it up and read it to myself while it is read outloud in Melay. This is actually a super neat thing. It may seem frustrating but I can understand the reading, because I can read it in English, and I read it over and over and have my own reflective 'lectio divino' going on. I don't want to say I write my own sermon, but I listen to a few of the words that the preacher says that I can understand and I infer what I might say concerning those understandable words and the reading together. I integrate it a bit. But not being able to understand the preacher allows me to be in my own prayerful world in a room with a couple hundred other individuals who are hearing the holy spirit through the lips of the preacher. Is my theology totally out of wack? I just started to feel weird about what I've written here, but it's the truth. I don't understand the preacher so I just make something up in my head and keep the verse in mind. Isn't that awesome?

Even more awesome than that; my makcik handed me her New Testament Bible that's both in English and Melay. She's letting me borrow it for I don't know how long (language barrier). She handed it to me in the middle of the service and I started trying to memorize words or recognize words I already knew or could guess. I was thinking that this year I would read my Bible, since I have time to myself nearly everyday, but this is better. I started reading it a little bit yesterday. It's slow going because I read a verse in Melay and then the translation in English and then break it down word by word trying to figure out which word exactly translates to which English word, where I can find the tense, number, etc. It's powerful though. How insane would it be to attempt to teach myself Melay through the New Testament!!? Completely possible and utterly amazing. I don't think she knows what a truly powerful gift this could become.

So that's all religious and neat but here's what else I've been doing. The other day I went jogging with some friends down the beach road and to this big all-purpose park called Perdana Park. I hope I spelled that right. They have a huge playground, restaurants, like 3 different tracks/roads for walking and jogging, stretching equipment, pure drinking water station, and a lake. Every night the lake has this fountain show with pretty colors and fun music. We saw the show! It's pretty nifty.

We had Japanese trainers here for the last two weeks for an Autism Spectrum Disorders program called Kololo. I didn't attend any of the sessions, well actually I went to one seminar but I couldn't tell you what I learned, oops, but I saw a lot of interactions with the Autism Spectrum Disorders unit here at SM. Well they left on Sunday but on Friday (when all the training was over) I was invited to go do some last-minute site-seeing with them. I've noticed that I never turn down an invitation around here. Nearly never. No matter what food it is or how hot it is outside, I say yes and at the end of the day I am happy that I did! We went to the "Cultural Villages" which is this big lot with traditional styled houses. It was pretty sweet. I took some nice photos, but mostly it was just hot. You can't really ask me anything about these houses because I don't have any answers. We just oo'd and aah'd.

I knew I was going to miss the sunset so I just took what I could get from the curve of a roundabout. There are actually a lot of roundabouts here. Which is cool because I'm in the small minority that loves roundabouts. But notice, the cars drive on the left side of the roaaad. In a roundabout you lean the other direction! Haha! Crazy! Speaking of which, I think I'm used to it. We have to cross the street at SM in order to get to the vocational/senior side. My supervisor (and my own desk/office space) is on that side too actually. But lately I have looked right when I crossed the street BEFORE I looked left. I never really thought about it. And the sidewalks don't say anything about where to look like they do in London, so this is big news (for me)!
I have more stories but this is already plenty long so I will save them for another day! Happy reading! Thanks for everything. Seriously. Talk soon!
peace.