Monday, June 25, 2012

talk of the town

Through a school connection, I got invited to make a speech/presentation at the 'Bahagian Kabinet dan Dasar Jabatan Ketua Menteri.' The most I can tell you about them is that it's government related and has something to do with the Chief Ministries Office. I perhaps should know more but I was initially invited to do this presentation through a text message so... that's how that goes.

Anyway, later on, after the text message, I got a fancy letterhead-ed invitation to make this presentation to as many as 20 people who are from the Kabinet dan Dasar portion of the office. I was asked to talk about my experiences in Kota Kinabalu, Sabah, or any other places in the world I've been. It was a random opportunity but a pretty legitimate one. They just wanted to know about cultural differences and the way I've seen them. Part of me has an inkling that they also wanted to hear about how great their country is. And it definitely is. I showed my fancy invitation to some staff here at school, partly to brag but also because it was entirely in formal bahasa malaysia so I could understand all of 10% of it.  I ended up asking more questions after I'd show someone the letter, "so what am I supposed to talk about? does it say in there? does it say what to wear? is someone important going to be there? can I make my presentation in english?" The staff helped me out and helped me to feel a little less stressed about the whole thing. The text message invites continually said not to worry that this would be an "informal talk" so when I told the staff it was "informal" they said, "oh so it's formal? you should be in formal wear?" ha, and that's exactly what informal doesn't mean. My mother and my intuition told me that I couldn't just show up to this government office in jeans and a tshirt, even if the shirt is a polo. I tried to look as nicely as I could. And thanks to the Baju Kurung that Seri Mengasih gave me in November for their 30th anniversary dinner, I was rocking the formal wear, Malaysian-style.



I spent some time making a slideshow of the best photos I have so far or the most 'cultural,' simply for the viewing pleasure of the staff in the office I was giving my life presentation to. It didn't take long for everyone to know I could speak malay. I heard them talking/whispering in malay saying, "how old is she?" or "where is she from? UK?" and I would turn and smile and answer them, in malay. This led to more questions and chit chat before my presentation officially started. I was giggling saying, "I'm going to talk about all of that in just a few minutes here!" To say I impressed them with my malay is an understatement. They laughed at the funny phrases I knew and the way I could understand any of their questions. I introduced myself and the YAGM program along with Seri Mengasih but after that it was an open conversation with a lot of questions. Thankfully, they could understand me if/when I answered in English. It's so much easier to answer questions and answer them quickly in your own/first language.  But still, they appreciated my dedication to Sabah and the Sabahan malay I was speaking. It was great because this was something I was stressing out over for 4 days that turned into a playful conversation and celebrity paparazzi party. I got to get some practice talking about this place that I have grown to love so much and the school where I work and my life in Kota Kinabalu for the last 10 months. I also have a 'best of' slideshow made already, so that might come in handy someday. On top of that, I have another story to go along with my "don't say 'no' to an invitation" mentality while I've been in Malaysia.




Immediately following the presentation there was a farewell luncheon for myself and another staff member (but the other staff member who is leaving this week couldn't make it so it was... as if it was just for me). I came back to school still wearing my Baju Kurung and I giggled to myself more thinking about how everyone probably thought I dressed up nicely for them and the farewell lunch. We can pretend I did. It was called my farewell lunch but it didn't feel like it. I mean, it's not over yet. I'm still here. There will be more lunches here and amongst this staff in the weeks to come. It felt really early, mostly because it was really early but also because I'm in denial. Having something like this earlier on is good too, especially for the staff because my last day might be on my mind but it's not on everyone's calendar. They'll need to adjust to life without me, at least a little bit. I've been sadder lately because staff come up to me or are around me and say "Allisun mahu pulang sudah ni.." [Allisun wants to go home already] but, having studied the language extensively (sarcasm), I've found that mahu [want] is similar to when Texans say "fixin' ta" so... given that justifiable fact... people aren't saying that I actually want to leave them, but that it is going to happen soon. It's funnier that way, to imagine malaysians saying, "Allisun is fixin' ta go home" and it's true.




Sunday, June 17, 2012

upside down



Happy Father’s dayyyyy to my wonderful papa and my handsome and healthy grandpa! I thank God for the two of you and all that you have cultivated in my soul so that I am who I am today and where I am right now!

Last Wednesday I was, somewhat, unexpectedly told that I could move to the other side of the street and live, for 1.5 months, in the Group Home. I haven’t been here for a week yet but the amenities are splendid and the change is refreshing. Packing up and lugging over my last 10 months in Malaysia was an eye-opener. My main thought: “Gosh I have a lot of stuff!” This “pre-move out” is a good thing because I was forced to think critically about what I need for the tail end of things or what can be thrown out or given away. Around the same time that I was sorting through my things (life) I received a packet from ELCA Global Mission about going back to my ‘home’ country, how to prepare for that, and… I’m not even sure what all is included in the packet. I opened the envelope, read the letter from the program director for YAGM, and then cried. Loud and heavy sobs. There’s still time here but receiving that envelope is huge. Denial is no longer an option. I realized how truly afraid of going home I am. How can I go home to a place where no one ‘really’ understands what my life has been like, where things are expensive, and where fish and rice are waaay less common? How can I reintegrate into my relationships that were left behind? Things will be different from the way I left them and I am totally not ready for that. Hopefully this packet will help me prepare for all of that but I still don’t want to look inside. “Someday…” that’s been the motto for awhile now. Someday I’ll take pictures of the new friends I made here, someday I’ll try durian chocolate, someday I’ll give my ‘aunties’ those Colorado postcards I brought from home, someday I’ll read these booklets, someday I’ll buy my family souvenirs, and someday I’ll throw out the clothes I’ve been wearing and working in for 10 months. But not today.

I’M NOT DONE!! HOLD THE PHONE!!!

I will only hear the Monday morning assembly at Seri Mengasih three more times. Three. I guess that just means I have time to memorize the lyrics to the Malaysia National Anthem ;) so I can sing just as loudly and proudly as the students do. Someday…

I’ve been having these moments or little reminders of God’s presence with me.  I was riding in a taxi and just thinking alone to myself in the backseat when I suddenly remembered that God is totally with me. I might feel alone or in the car with a stranger but no matter what I’m doing or thinking or struggling through, I’ve got God there… here… everywhere. That thought alone keeps me at peace. Thank you for your continued prayers for peace for me as things get harder for me, emotionally. I’ve got this! With you and your support haha.

Peace

my old room and all my stuff!!!

this photo is taken from the place i usually like to sit at arts and crafts. the white building on the left is the group home. the open window is my 'new' bedroom. the closed window is the window to my bathroom.