upside down

Happy Father’s dayyyyy to my wonderful papa and my handsome and healthy grandpa! I thank God for the two of you and all that you have cultivated in my soul so that I am who I am today and where I am right now!

Last Wednesday I was, somewhat, unexpectedly told that I could move to the other side of the street and live, for 1.5 months, in the Group Home. I haven’t been here for a week yet but the amenities are splendid and the change is refreshing. Packing up and lugging over my last 10 months in Malaysia was an eye-opener. My main thought: “Gosh I have a lot of stuff!” This “pre-move out” is a good thing because I was forced to think critically about what I need for the tail end of things or what can be thrown out or given away. Around the same time that I was sorting through my things (life) I received a packet from ELCA Global Mission about going back to my ‘home’ country, how to prepare for that, and… I’m not even sure what all is included in the packet. I opened the envelope, read the letter from the program director for YAGM, and then cried. Loud and heavy sobs. There’s still time here but receiving that envelope is huge. Denial is no longer an option. I realized how truly afraid of going home I am. How can I go home to a place where no one ‘really’ understands what my life has been like, where things are expensive, and where fish and rice are waaay less common? How can I reintegrate into my relationships that were left behind? Things will be different from the way I left them and I am totally not ready for that. Hopefully this packet will help me prepare for all of that but I still don’t want to look inside. “Someday…” that’s been the motto for awhile now. Someday I’ll take pictures of the new friends I made here, someday I’ll try durian chocolate, someday I’ll give my ‘aunties’ those Colorado postcards I brought from home, someday I’ll read these booklets, someday I’ll buy my family souvenirs, and someday I’ll throw out the clothes I’ve been wearing and working in for 10 months. But not today.

I’M NOT DONE!! HOLD THE PHONE!!!

I will only hear the Monday morning assembly at Seri Mengasih three more times. Three. I guess that just means I have time to memorize the lyrics to the Malaysia National Anthem ;) so I can sing just as loudly and proudly as the students do. Someday…

I’ve been having these moments or little reminders of God’s presence with me.  I was riding in a taxi and just thinking alone to myself in the backseat when I suddenly remembered that God is totally with me. I might feel alone or in the car with a stranger but no matter what I’m doing or thinking or struggling through, I’ve got God there… here… everywhere. That thought alone keeps me at peace. Thank you for your continued prayers for peace for me as things get harder for me, emotionally. I’ve got this! With you and your support haha.

Peace

my old room and all my stuff!!!

this photo is taken from the place i usually like to sit at arts and crafts. the white building on the left is the group home. the open window is my 'new' bedroom. the closed window is the window to my bathroom.