all you need is love

happy love month, week, and day <3 !! miss youuu

i love to laugh

HAPPY VALENTINE’S WEEK!

Anyone who knows me knows that I’m the weirdest gal around because I thoroughly enjoy Valentine’s Day. So much so that I recognize the month of February as a month for giving love and this week especially. Valentine’s Week is lovely for me so far :)

I want to describe the kids/students/trainees I work with. This a little difficult because I fear misunderstandings or misrepresentations might happen. I’m not sure how much I can or can’t say, or even if I ‘can’ (legally) post photos of these students. The basic thing you must fully grasp before reading on is that I LOVE all of them. I’ve never worked with individuals living with disabilities in my entire life. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. I have studied (only surface level) various mental disabilities or disorders and some sociology related things when it comes to disability. For my situation now, I’ve been learning through observing and repeating what I see from the employees here at SMC. After all, they’ve been working here and with these individuals for longer than I have, and they know what works. What I remember from CLU education is the psychology stuff, how to train or un-train behaviors, potential reasons for behaviors, etc. That stuff is still useful now but suddenly, in this context, it just seems unnecessary. We’re beyond the point of ‘training’ because the students I’m referring to (will for the duration of this post) from Arts and Crafts are older, independent, and full of personality. They are each so unique, but that’s not my point. ‘Training’ an individual to say “I want to eat” when they are hungry seems like common sense. Rewards and punishments are used to ‘train’ something into an individual and rewards always work better (have a longer-lasting effect) than punishments. Maybe I just think this is ‘common sense’ because I studied it for four years and love it… a lot… Regardless, we (staff) don’t spend much time ‘conditioning’ the students in Arts and Crafts.

I walk across the street to Arts and Crafts and am immediately greeted by my ‘boss’ (and friend!) there and a few of the vocational trainees. This morning greeting is dual-language and filled with happiness for a new day! The students line up and get ready to go ‘walking,’ their daily exercise. Camp counselor skills come in handy here, the staff keep the trainees in a ‘basic’ line-shape while walking, try to keep everyone at the same pace, keep everyone safe from cars and crocodiles. The first time I went walking with the vocational trainees I noticed a beautiful thing; the buddy system. It’s beautiful because two people are helping each other, potentially one is helping more than the other but society looks at them both and says “DISABLED” even though they are able! Able to help and walk and smile and just enjoy life. After walking is ‘morning talk’ where vocation kiddos split back up into their respective locations and I stick with those from Arts and Crafts to listen to what they have to say. The trainees take turns standing up and say, “good morning friends!” and then what they plan on doing for work that day. Of course, it takes more than 20 minutes to get to know all the personalities but if an observer observes this 20 minutes very carefully, they can learn a lot! The personalities shine! Shyness, leadership, ability, energy, all of it, shows right here in the morning talk.

We break and get to work. My ‘boss’ has put me in charge of a monthly order for chocolate box lids that we make/decorate. It’s a pretty detailed process but the final product doesn’t seem that big of a deal. The lids are decorated with a card with one of two traditional “Sabahan” costumes; Kadazan or Sumazau. The card itself is made from recycled paper the trainees make… just water and recycled paper with the occasional dried leaves. I sit and quietly make the box lids on my own, pasting the traditional costumes in their specific places and writing out the word “Sabah” using string made from the bark of a tree (did I mention it’s pretty detailed?). Trainees around me do various other jobs. The less-dextrous turn recycled pieces of paper into smaller pieces of paper so that they can eventually become a new and pretty piece of paper! Others are busy making paper, some help to clean the bathrooms, some help to create and/or cut out parts for the box lids, and one sometimes stands around with the broom :) All various levels of ability, but everyone is work.ing My job is these box lids but I also make sure that trainees are working by asking them to work! Sometimes (but oh so rarely) our jobs get boring or the heat gets the best of us and we are all at least a little bit bored. In these rare moments, I really don’t care how many box lids are unfinished for the upcoming month, I want to laugh with someone or hear someone laugh. Their personalities, gosh, they’re making me smile even now as I write. When one trainee laughs, usually everyone smiles, even if the laugh is a little… maniacal, or is a response to the individuals own daydreaming.

I’ve written that I’m not opposed to being the clown. We listen to a radio station at work, apparently it’s ‘retro’ music but I don’t know because the songs are Malaysian songs. Except for, about every fifth or so song is in English (from the US or the UK) and range from year 1950-2000, but I suppose you could call them retro :) I sing those songs and I dance to those songs, I seranade trainees with some of these songs and it makes us smile together.

Some of the trainees have mannerisms, you know, things they repeatedly do or say. It’s hard for me to remember a time where I wasn’t used to these mannerisms and I think that’s because no one has so much as flinched at them since I got here. There’s really no point in asking what’s wrong or what each behavior means but they’re not ignored. This is the biggest, most controversial, stressing-me-out-to-write-it topic. We make fun of the trainees and/or their behaviors sometimes. Imitations are not uncommon, neither are conversations in grunts, or questions that we already know the answer to, or unnecessary requests. Things are different in Malaysia, that’s something I’ve known since I got off the plane here. When I say “different,” I am intentionally not making a judgment about who does it right or wrong or better or worse, it’s just different. For instance, questions about how much money my father makes are not too personal, even if I just met the asker. Likewise, “mocking” trainees and students at work is not seen as hurtful. My first reaction is sometimes, “this isn’t right” but then I look at the trainee and see that they not distraught by this attention. In fact, it can be fun! I’m so worried that you, the reader, are going to think that Malaysians are rude and heartless. Please don’t think that! Let me give an example: there’s a girl that doesn’t have a very extensive vocabulary, and her family speaks Chinese at home so her malay is even less. Staff will ask her questions that we know she knows the answer to, mostly because she is the cutest darned thing. We’ll ask her father’s name and she’ll answer, and when she does she sounds so smart and sure of herself and saying her father’s name makes her smile and clap her hands! I see the love she has for her dad everyday and it is enough to keep me asking her father’s name every chance I get! Conversations with these students almost always result in smiles, even if there’s no meat in the conversation. We might laugh at someone’s water bottle or slow gait or how they straight up didn’t listen to a staff’s instructions. We smile, we laugh, and there are no hard feelings. Having these surface level and mindless conversations with the trainees is still beneficial. A lot of times, talking to a student makes sure that they’re awake and listening, it tests their social skills, their responsiveness, and helps them to practice language. Like I’ve been saying, nothing is all good or all bad, it’s just different.

I haven’t witnessed very many “incidents” here (tantrums, fits, etc.) but even when someone is crying the reaction from the staff is different from what I would typically expect given my ‘western’ education on this stuff. But, like I said, the staff have been doing this much longer than I have, they know what works and what doesn’t work. It’s also important to note that I am not confident enough to actually react to incidents; I don’t discipline, comfort or even threaten. I don’t think it will ever be my place to discipline or threaten these trainees but when I hear the tactics teachers/staff use to get trainees to calm down or do their work, I think to myself, “how would that be viewed in the United States?” And so I worry about what you’ll think of all of this, obviously. I really love the students though so if you have more questions or want to hear a story about these cuties or what keeps me laughing when I’m with them, just email me.

Thank you for reading this with an open heart and mind so that some judgment can be repressed and you can see, if nothing else, that I am learning so much. And I’m loving so much more.

Share some love :)

red and orange

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!

I just sat down to write this and a series of firecrackers is going off at the house next door. Very. Continuous. Cracking. and Popping. That's pretty cool though. This was my first time celebrating Chinese New Year and it has been so much fun that I am trying to understand why it was the first time!!! I mean, besides the obvious (I'm not chinese). It was basically nonexistent in my pre-Asia life. January 23, 2012.. year of the Dragon! I spent my weekend and Chinese New Year holiday going to open houses, learning customs, relaxing, and meeting all the members of one family. Because I stayed with a Chinese family, I gained some stories and traditions that are almost too numerous to explain here, but I will try, if I can remember.

First of all, we went to these "open houses" but not just any old open house. Residences decide which day and which meal of the 14 days of the Chinese New Year to host their open house. The first dinner is almost always at the eldest brother's house. Families typically follow the father/husband's lineage to determine where to go for the big dinners. For instance, we didn't see a recently married sister because she was at her husband's family's house. I was only 'really' involved in the first two days of the new year but we went to at least 5 houses (one of them twice, and one was the place I stayed for the duration). Breakfast was porridge on both days, something light to save room for a big lunch and/or dinner. Lunches was more likely a stop in, greet the host, find some food, meet everybody, pass out angpow, and head home. Dinners were less like an open house because they had more of a 'start' time rather than a window of coming and going as one pleases.

here are some other various traditions I witnessed :)

1. receiving/giving oranges. so many oranges. different sizes, amounts, types and for many days!

2. receiving angpow. These are the red envelopes with cash in them. Married women (more typically women...) hand these out to every unmarried young person when they come to a house or when unmarried young people come to their house. These envelopes are beautiful and you can find them anywhere, but mostly banks give them out this time of year. They are (nearly) all different. I'm told it's rude not to accept the angpow. I observed really hard to figure out how to receive angpow. Modest smile, kind words (ie: "happy new year! thank you!"), don't open it, and keep it with you until you can put it in a safe place. I went to a lot of houses and met a lot of married women so you can figure I did well on the angpow front too ;)

3. bathing in pomelo leaf water. My host-mom, Kerry, boiled pomelo leaves in water and saved the water for us to bathe with. The smell was terrific. This was to be done on New Year's eve to wash off the old!

4. wearing new clothes! everyone I met was wearing their newest clothes because, well, that's tradition. For 14 days, everything worn was supposedly new! This was fun to see because it was like shopping by staring at these gorgeous models and their new stuff they were rockin'. Start off the new year with new clothes, hmm.

5. leaving a light on for the god of good fortune to stop by. If a light is still on, then the god will know you're home and will shower you with good stuff!

6. this special cake we ate in the morning had a funny story. It was very gelatinous and sticky cake that was (but isn't always) fried with egg. I wouldn't describe it as cake, although that's what others called it, but more like sticky and thick jell-o that didn't have flavor. It may have just two ingredients; gelatin and brown sugar. But this stuff, this stuff was to make it so that we (people on earth) can't send messages to the gods about each other's behavior over the past year. The messages can't be sent if our teeth are practically glued together! hehee.

7. lion dances! I saw many lion dances and heard only a little bit of the story on that tradition. the myth is that lionlike beasts would terrorize the villages (many years ago) and so they left out fruit, banged on drums, and lit firecrackers off to scare them away. The beasts would eat them (I guess) if they successfully entered the village and houses. So these lion dances! they are awesome! two people usually inside the lion costume doing acrobatic and cute things, all to the beat! We had a performance here at school and it was rather frightening for some of the children, reasonably so. These lions are supposed to represent the mythological characters, so they jump at people, snap at them, try to scare them on purpose! It's entertaining nonetheless.

8. shower one another with blessings and good tidings and love and hospitality. Start the year off with happiness and smiles shared with each other. kindness and gratitude, etc.

I am so glad I could experience this holiday and in this way and in this beautiful place. The "chinese" traditions and people I surrounded myself with opened my eyes to the "other" side of Malaysian culture. Look at me, getting all cultured and stuff :) Thanks for your prayers!!

Lion dance! Very popular!

prettyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

space travel is boring

This week has been filled with changes and news of changes! My feelings about these changes are across the board, seriously. The major change in my life is my relationship status but this is not the place to write about that so if you have questions, just email me :)

The "school" side of Seri Mengasih was previously Juniors and Seniors but they have moved things around and joined their forces to become... Functional Living Skills Department (FLS). This is a cool adjustment because it explains a lot of Seri Mengasih's purpose. Students learn to be independent and take care of themselves, no matter their level of ability or their age. I love that because it is extremely important for us (as humans) to have some sense of control over our own lives. Of course, the earlier these skills are taught the better. This focus is also important for families who can help their student improve and make life a little easier for the whole family! FLS still includes academics but the goal is to have students who succeed and can eventually live independently, perhaps even have a job. But that's in the far-future. (Keep in mind FLS students are between the ages of 6-18 or so). Seri Mengasih has programs that foster such progress. I usually work in the "vocational" side of Seri Mengasih where students work somewhat like employees and acquire skills related to having a job. There is even an alumni program for Seri Mengasih graduates. Without basic living skills and academics at the younger age, it would be a lot harder for people live independently in the future. This change in title helps to explain what a school like this can do for people. It definitely goes beyond brushing ones own teeth :D

My site supervisor told me about some of the more serious political aspects of Seri Mengasih. The government owns the property that the school is on and they want it. We assume for tourism. This land is precious because it is right on the beach. Seri Mengasih is on two sides of one street so the FLS backyard is the beach and the Vocational backyard is... an airport runway. I think it may even be the same distance, no joke. She explained to me that in a few years Seri Mengasih will be forced to relocate and that it will be completely different if I try to come back for a visit in the future. That makes me so sad! Moving like that has got to be rough... on everything, but especially finances. I don't even like to think about it. I could come back and, as she explained it, stay here again but in a new hotel rather than an old colonial house.

The biggest shocker causes me stress but I don't want any of you to worry.. please. My site supervisor is resigning from Seri Mengasih to work for the church. God Bless her :) We haven't had a chance to talk about what this means. She's my boss and my number one contact if I need anything (her name is Joan, in case you were wondering) plus she's fluent in English and Malay. I remember the other site supervisors for the other YAGM and they all work for their placement site or are connected in some way. I suppose I will need a 'new' site supervisor and a new boss. It's awesome for her and I am happy for her to follow a passion and a calling. I just can't help but be a little bit selfish about this and immediately revert to "woe is me." I can't imagine how switching site supervisors would work. We made a covenant together, she knows my stories, and she knows my language! Joan has been at Seri Mengasih for twenty-two years (that's as long as I've been alive) so the entire staff will feel her absence and it will most likely be really hard on her to leave a place that has been such a huge chunk of her life! That's amazing. In a meeting the other day our principal (of FLS. Joan is the director for Vocational) said that Seri Mengasih is "a place where you can develop yourself personally" and she was referring to us as a staff. That's definitely true for this place, no matter how long you are here. It can have a huge impact on a person. I've already had my eyes opened, and my heart. I love all the people here, just because, and that's pretty neat. I've been here long enough to see how good Joan has been for this place, she's excellent! She's scheduled to leave in March so we have some time to adjust and accept the facts. I really wish the best for her.

January 23rd is Chinese New Year. I said yes to an invitation to spend the 4-day weekend with a short-term volunteer at Seri Mengasih and a sweet Chinese girl (I'm sure her family is sweet too!) who is also a member at the BCCM in Likas. And, as is best for life, I have no expectations for it other than what she has told me is true. Wish me luck! Prosperity for all this year of the dragon!

peace

first day of my life

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

As you can imagine, I had a lot of fun being in 2012 before many of my readers were. Time is a weird thing. I was in 2012 before you because the Earth is round and rotates and revolves around the sun. The Earth! This planet we live on. We live! We are humans! It's all so remarkable it makes my brain hurt.

I had a wonderful and relaxing 'winter' break at my auntie's village with her big and beautiful family. There's (nearly) nowhere in the world I would have rather been for those 6 days. On New Year's Eve we went to her brother's house and had a barbeque. I think we started eating said barbeque around 9pm. The evening was so new and different for me, I guess you could say it was a little bit of culture shock. It didn't feel like the last night of the year and there was no one I could talk to about my excitement for the new year! I wanted to jump around and dance and say 'good bye' to 2011. That's how I personally celebrate the new year but it just wasn't appropriate this time. Haha. We went home around 11pm and I sat outside to look at the amaaaaazing stars there (I guess KK has too much pollution, both light and fumes) and listen to the sounds of the night. It was perfect. I didn't have to look at my cheap phone that always forgets what time it is when I drop it and the battery falls out of it (did I say cheap?) to know it was 2012. It seemed like every driveway in the neighborhood was lighting off fireworks (except for the one I was standing on) as soon as it was midnight! That was so cool! And LOUD! I like how I can greet anyone and everyone with "Selamat Tahun Baru!" [happy new year!] if it's the first time I've seen them since 2011. If I greet a person (or a person greets me) with that then the first words spoken to each other of 2012 are sincere and positive. It almost makes certain that the relationship will be fantastic for the rest of the year, even if that's a bit superstitious, I still like it.

Being back at work/school has been nice. One student that I hadn't seen since early November was back and I had really missed her and it's nice to see her again and smile at her. Makes my heart happy! This week I helped in arts and crafts as they have some orders coming up for Chinese New Year. Seri Mengasih is going through some changes everywhere so I just watch and listen to see how things are going. Teachers have moved, students have transitioned, even classrooms have been reassigned, all major changes. I'll be spending the next 10 days with Peter because he's visiting me (yaaaaaayyyyy!!!!!) so it will be awhile before I see what the new year means for me work-wise with scheduling. I very look forward to showing him how much Seri Mengasih and Kota Kinabalu and Sabah mean to me. It is important for me to share my experiences and my life with someone (who is also important to me). For some reason I think it will make it all real. I'll be forced to explain and host and guide. It'll be a bit of a test of what I know and what I still need to learn about life here. There is still plenty to learn, I guarantee that.

These are a few photos from the first Tanjung Aru sunset of 2012. If I squint and turn on the air conditioning, I can imagine it's January 1st and a little cold because of all the blues and whites (before the orange/pinks glow from the sun...)

The toddlers at my auntie's village. She is also their auntie. She's a lot of kids's auntie actually. We went to a place where we could feed the koi crackers :) majestic creatures..

come together

My house is a bit far from everything. I have to walk about 25 minutes to get to the bus stop that has more frequent buses and is a 'tad' cheaper, that's how far away I live from any stores or restaurants (except for the fancy restaurant that is on the property right next to Seri Mengasih). With the holiday approaching a lot of staff asked me where I was going for Christmas or what I was going to do. I kept telling them I was just going to stay at home and rest. Alone. They did not like that. They would try to see if so-and-so had an extra bedroom so then I just told them I was going to meet my 'American friends' and celebrate Christmas in Kota Kinabalu or Tuaran or somewhere yet to be determined. I promised them I wouldn't be alone for Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. I was probably asked at least 5 different times if I had a 'program' to go to for Christmas. I was given brochures and phone numbers for people in case I didn't have a church set up for Christmas worship services. I was invited to so many different places that I would have had to choose based on the person I liked the most, and that's hardly fair... Instead I walked to the bus stop with my bag filled with overnight Christmas necessities and took the bus to town and met my 'familiar family/friends.' It was wonderful. Just to be surrounded by people you know and are comfortable with. We can talk about baby Jesus or secular or inter-religious symbols that surround us without worrying we might offend someone. We can talk about family traditions and giggle about them but be there for each other so tears don't come quite so quickly when we realize where we are and who's not with us.

We went to Christmas Eve worship service together, after we ate a lot of food, in congruence with most Christmas Eve traditions. I stayed the night with Liz so that I wouldn't be so alone at home and in the morning we had breakfast together. Liz has sunrises with Mount Kinabalu and the rest of the mountain range while I have sunsets at the sea. We compliment each other. I watched her open her presents and then I skyped HTLC Christmas Eve worship and pretended it was Christmas morning worship. We went to the movies and saw Arthur Christmas which was simply adorable. I'm not usually one for those type of Santa-centered kiddy movies but the timing was perfect and the theatre was empty.

The thing that made me smile the most about that day is the few "Merry Christmas" greetings I received and how many of them were from friends who are Muslim. That was beautiful. When I got back to school Christmas day (afternoon) I saw that my auntie was here and hadn't gone home yet (she was gone before Christmas Eve when I left for Liz's but she wasn't at home) so she wished me a Merry Christmas and asked me to get in the car. She didn't want me to stay here alone. It was random but I didn't want to be alone either. I had to quickly find some clean clothes and pack a bag because she was already in the started car with her husband ready to go home. I am so thankful for that invitation. We went to her house and I received more Christmas love from her family. Her niece (23 years old?) wrote me a Christmas card and made me a bracelet. She kept saying how it must be hard to be away from family and home on a big holiday like this. As usual, they made food and made me eat it. We laughed and played and talked. We didn't do anything particularly 'christmasy' but I accepted that it was, indeed, Christmas and I had survived it.

The most beautiful part about this hospitality, love, and understanding is that this family is Muslim. I'm blessed to share my life with these people and glad that they share their life with me. This relationship has become very important to me but it's difficult to explain why or how. If you want to explore it further or have any questions, I'd be happy to answer an email from you. But basically, I love it and them and Malaysia. Thanks to God for all of it! :)

This was at a Christmas party a couple weeks ago. Napkin folding fascinates me :)

hey, man!

Everyone knows my brother listens to weird music. I remember once he introduced me to some electrophunk band that he liked because of their band name. !!! was the name of the band. Three exclamation points. You could call them anything you want but I don't think "three exclamation points" was the right name. You were supposed to make an exclamation point a word. So you could call them "gush gush gush" or "pow pow pow" or any other combination of whatever you thought ! was supposed to sound like. Well, in Malaysia they use little words (suffixes) at the end of their phrases or sentences that have different functions. A couple are like exclamation points in bold font, a couple are like question marks, and one is even like a frowny face :( but with letters. Nobody told me about this before I got here but the suffixes are used a lot. It's not uncommon for the bahasa melayu (Malay) suffixes to be used when the speaker is speaking in English, so I can easily give you examples for bahasa melayu suffixes. Get ready class.

student: "Teacher, I want to go to the bathroom."
teacher: "Then go la!"

Allisun: "I think I'll just walk to the bus stop."
friend: "Don't do that ba. That'll make you tired."

"La" and "ba" are used interchangeably. I haven't discovered a place to use one over the other. The funny thing about me is that I think I like punctuation, or else I wouldn't be telling you all about this stuff. I am likely to use ?!?!! at the end of a question or ?! or !!! depending on the situation, whereas, in Malaysia, they have words that can pretty much do that for you. It is also important to note that "ba" is only used in local Sabah the state that I live in. Using "ba" identifies where an individual learned to speak bahasa Melayu.

auntie: "Are you hungry ka?"

"Ka" makes it obvious that it's a question, which is funny because bahasa melayu also has the tone change for a question mark ("I'm Ron Burgundy?") and question marks do exist. This one isn't used with english.

Allisun: "Not really, I can help you cook though, kan gu?
This one is 100% translatable, therefore, I use it the most often. kan? is like saying "right?" and gu just refers to any teacher at this entire school. If I'm talking to a taxi driver or a student then tacking 'gu' to the end would be completely inappropriate and I would probably look silly. Although they're together in this example they don't have to be in order to be used.

friend: "Sejuknya."

Allisun: "oh? where's your jacket?"
The suffix here is "nya" and the word I used for an example "sejuk" means cold. I'm guessing this one is just emphasis and is never used with english words. You wouldn't say "coldnya" but it basically means "It's really cold." I know what you're thinking, who the heck said this to me? Is there such thing as feeling "really cold" in Malaysia? And the answer is, no, not really. So maybe "nya" actually implies sarcasm. Ha! I doubt it.

Allisun: "I got caught in the rain!"
friend: "Oh lo lo lo."
Lo... the rarest of them all. Pretty much always negative. It's akin to saying "oh bummer" or "that's too bad." I'd also like to point out that it is used here three times. Lo and la are used like that. I've actually counted once when a woman said, "Ah la la la la la la" and then I exclaimed "SIX!" A little grammar lesson on this language about plurals: one word twice makes it plural. So at school we have cikgu cikgu (teachers) and I am a cikgu (teacher). Obviously, this makes typing/text messaging rather annoying so Malaysians have developed a shortcut "cikgu2" would be teachers. In a text message, if someone were to use this response to my being stuck in the rain, they would say "Oh lo3," and I'm not even joking. It's fantastic.

I must admit that I feel a little silly using a blog to talk about suffixes in bahasa melayu but I want you to share in my joy. I have so thoroughly enjoyed learning, practicing, and being bewildered by a new language. Plus, I have decided that "la" and "ba" can maybe be swapped with "dude" and still make sense. Therefore, I have A LOT of fun listening to people talk and attempting to translate their words and imagining them saying "dude." There's a lot more about bahasa melayu I could try to explain here but I have yet to figure out the prefixes... yeah they have those too. Just know that I am happy and smiling here. I am thankful for you all. I am so glad to finally be reconnected to the cyber world and I even got to pray with Holy Trinity via Skype! Life is definitely good.

It's a double rainbow. In the middle of my town.