another town

This post comes to you from my parents house in Littleton, Colorado.  Does that blow your mind? I've been here for just over three weeks and it still blows my mind a bit. I left these beautiful people over a month ago.

YAGM Malaysia Crew 2011-2012. Remember when, in this very blog, I started calling our group a crew because my facebook was (is) in Pirate English and calls groups crews? Peter the Country Coordinator has totally adopted the 'crew' addition and uses it for the new 'crew' which is currently in Malaysia. Phew.

We gathered for our final retreat, the closing retreat. I finally got to see the other/eastern coast of Sabah. Our theme was "celebrate" and I think we did a pretty good job.  I was generally  happy, in the presence of people in transition (like me) and surrounded by buggy nature. It didn't feel like a vacation, it felt like the other retreats in that sense. The group was the most important part for me, hearing stories, sharing stories, and providing shoulders or tissues where needed. And they were definitely needed. We had some necessary conversations and room for contemplation. We also saw more monkeys than I can count! That was pretty awesome. That's because our retreat was spent on the Kinabatangan River doing some jungle/safari-type activities. Fortunately, we only had about two incidents with leeches :) We had a last group dinner back in Kota Kinabalu at our favorite "curry house" because it was on nearly all of our lists of places to eat before leaving Malaysia. I insisted we get a photo with the owner (?) whom we lovingly call Boss. It was an anxiously sad meal. Liz's departure time was only hours away, and we all knew it meant our own flights were that much closer. She got the ball rolling. Peter said something interesting that night, "I like airports because they're all so neutral." But just the thought of an airport, for me personally, and right in this moment, makes me sad. The dinky airport 7 minutes walking-distance from my house was like... my hangout place. The sound of the planes was a comfort. I don't live close to that airport or any other airport anymore.

A long-put-off plan to go with a teacher-friend to her village for the weekend became a priority when it was literally my last weekend in the country, so I spent my last weekend with her and her family in a town located sort of in the mountains. It was chillier for my body to adjust to but wonderful to see more of Sabah and show my friend how important she is to me. Important enough that even if it was put-off, I wouldn't let it not happen. One thing happened while we were gone that weekend though, the first days of Ramadan! 

The crew arrived in Malaysia in 2011 during the last few days of bulan puasa [month of fasting] and didn't know enough people or traditions yet to notice until the celebration days started. But now, I had more friends and could speak the language and actually ask questions, and in so doing, participate to the best of my ability for the first few days of bulan puasa. I spent the days leading up to my flight at a friend's house nearby. This alleviated some awkward sadness of sticking around Seri Mengasih after multiple goodbye parties and "final" words to friends and 'family.' The family I was with for those last few days is entirely Muslim and I'm sure would have supported me had I decided to follow with Christian (or non-muslim) traditions while there but... when in Rome. It was marvelous. My makcik [auntie] there makes batches and batches of various kinds of kuih-muih [cakes/biscuits/cookies ish?] to sell at the Bazaar Ramadan in town... every single day of bulan puasa. ON TOP OF her other job. Oh I so admire that woman. I couldn't sit around and watch TV at her house while her kids and her neighbor's kids were helping her to make kuih-muih and it couldn't (seemingly) be finished in a timely manner and she's still standing at the stove come 1:00am. So I jumped in as best and as much as I could. It was embarrassing because I felt like I knew nothing, I had no skills in the area. When it came time to take the kuih-muih to the bazaar for selling, they asked me to go. They asked me to sell. I wanted to help makcik rather than mooch off her hospitality so I did exactly as I was requested and tried to sell as much kuih-muih as I could with my friends (family really). Customers were, as you might have guessed, impressed by my malay-speaking skills but that doesn't mean we sold more than the next table.  Keep in mind that this was bulan puasa. We were standing at a table with delectable treats and at the height of hunger and exhaustion but expending every last energy on selling makcik's kuih before sundown. Those buying food from the bazaar weren't only muslim, the majority were but definitely not all. The same goes for those who were selling food. For bulan puasa the fast is broken after sundown when the call to prayer begins. I found out, somewhat the hard way, that you must break the fast at the same time as everyone else and be ready for it. Muslim customers were buying foodstuffs to break the fast with so it was with me as well. Two of us quickly walked down the street looking for something to break the fast with. Cravings abounded at this time of the day, it had been nearing 24 hours since I had last eaten or drank anything. All I could think of was my profound thirst. "Coconut juice!" Haha, she found me some coconut juice to drink out of a bag (something I wanted to do before leaving Malaysia) and I had already purchased a kuih, thankfully, because while we were walking, just enjoying each other's company, the call to prayer started. "Allisun! Boleh buka sudah!" So she prayed and we ate. I looked around me and saw that everyone was doing the same. I felt community. True community in fasting, hunger, thirst, prayer, and then eating and, in so doing, thanking God for all that we have. "Alhamdulillah!"

For my last and final day in the country Seri Mengasih asked me to demonstrate exactly how I made those popcorn batches on Food Fair day. It was interesting because I was planning on going back to my muslim family's house so I continued fasting. Imagine making popcorn for 30 people but not taste-testing first. Hehehe. The popcorn I made that day was sold at the canteen and will, hopefully, continue to be made in the future and sold at the canteen. They bought WAY more corn kernels than I used so they definitely can serve/sell popcorn for at least another six months. But, as I was saying, I continued fasting on that last day but my flight was scheduled for before the breaking of the fast. I was worried about that, "macam mana berpuasa kalau di kapal terbang?" realizing there wouldn't be a call to prayer or a way to know when it's 'time' to break the fast. But they let us know and it was remarkable. I loved it! The flight attendants served us our meals but I looked around me and many of the people weren't touching their food. They would look around them or continue on talking with their friend. Furthermore, the captain came on the PA system and announced what time the prayers were to start for that day (and in that region of the world) and wished all those fasting a happy fasting. Hmph! Who'd a thunk? 

Flight attendants walked through clearing plates and noticed, "are you fasting? I'll get you a bag because we'll be landing when the fast breaks and you can't have you food or your front tray out." Haha! It was great. Soon the captain came on again and announced that Azan had started and "selamat berbuka puasa." What an experience? Once again I felt an awesome sense of community and it was again with strangers. Even if we weren't identifying as the same religion, the acceptance and harmony within that aircraft alone was beautiful and indicative of my year in Sabah.

I came to my computer today to write about how I'm adjusting to life in the USA. I guess my psyche still isn't ready for that. Besides, I haven't written here for over a month. How can I just skip to the a month away and a WORLD (literally) apart? I couldn't handle that hefty of a gap. I promise you more stories on how I'm doing in the here and now and what it means to experience culture shock, for realsies.

peace

and love

last dance

The FOOD FAIR was today and it was totally amazing!!

This was Seri Mengasih's major fundraising event so it was huge. We've been getting ready for months, practically. Starting on Monday we didn't have regular classes and the teachers didn't even do extra afternoon tutoring sessions because that would have been overload for them (they work so hard!). The tables and chairs all over the entire center needed to be rearranged and relocated. Tents were set up. Food was delivered. Items were arranged and priced and perfected. It took many hours but it all looked good. I started learning about the popcorn process (my job) on Tuesday. In Malaysia they serve popcorn at the movie theatres however Malaysia popcorn is actually always caramel corn. It's not called caramel corn but it's equally as sweet. Therefore, after I made a deliciously buttery and salty batch of popcorn I was met with complaints. "Ew! It's SALTY!" as if it was a crime. I asked around and tried to find a trend. It seemed the older individuals liked their popcorn more tasteless but no one was requesting extra buttery. Then came my challenge of making popcorn in a portable popcorn stand and making it SWEET and sugary to satisfy malaysian tastebuds. One of my favorite teachers was willing to help me power through it and we ended up using brown sugar mixed with butter. I still don't think it was sweet enough for my customers, but almost. People came and bought 'my' popcorn though, it was fun and it was messy!



The FOOD FAIR is this huge bazaar or market with mostly food products. People buy coupons in sets of RM10.00 which is about USD3.00 and then pay for items by tearing off their coupons! Other people from the community come to Seri Mengasih, open up their booths, set up their tables with their edibles, and offer up what they've prepared. I'm assuming it's completely donated. I don't think we paid any of those people to come and their only getting coupon stubs in return. But I am not the accountant or treasurer... Anyway, there were popular malaysian dishes, second hand clothing, handmade crafts (by yours truly and the students), vegetables, chickens, interesting juices with grass jelly floating in them, SMC baked goods, and popcorn! There was so much to do and see and enjoy. It was a teensy bit overcast so not insanely hot. The local radio station was there broadcasting in SIX languages. I was asked to do the English interview for the radio broadcast. I wasn't nervous. I should remind you that this was considered my last working day at Seri Mengasih Centre. I was given a script for the interview so that all SIX languages would be saying the same thing about SMC. As I was reading and prepping I thought about SMC and more deeply. The script was somewhat written as someone who knows all about SMC, not someone who comes in and falls in love but leaves after 11 months and is from a different country. I thought of all the things I love about SMC and how truly beautiful the FOOD FAIR is for the community, the centre, the students, the teachers, the parents, and me. I've never seen such unity in action like that. Not many students came but every time I saw a student I just about lost it knowing I wouldn't see them again and that this FOOD FAIR was for them and that someday, with the help of SMC, that student is going to be a confident and independent individual. I feel so blessed to be a small part of that timeline. Imagining what I would say in that interview and how I can't feasibly sum up my year for the interviewer or indicate the single most memorable moment or how I am changed or what's my favorite thing about Sabah without some serious contemplation first... I lost it. Cried and cried and knew I had to stop so I could go tell the world how great SMC is but that just made me want to cry more. "Wait, you mean I have to leave?! But I like it!!!!"

The staff have been working so hard to make this a beautiful and smooth fundraiser. I applaud them. I am proud of them! Friday evening most worked until at least midnight and then were ready to work at about 5am on Saturday morning. Everyone was asked to wear orange and each time I saw an orange shirt working hard, finding something that needed to be done or lifting something heavy, I wanted to cry. "I have to say goodbye to that dedicated individual," I thought to myself. I think it's fantastic that this was my last official day. What a day eh? Unforgettable. The staff is the most important thing I'll ever know about Sabah. They taught it all to me. Taught me about love, friendship, commitment, patience, and bahasa melayu. And I am so glad that I could make it to this event and see all these superheroes in action! It's painful that I have to say goodbye to this human beauty I have found but their smiles keep me strong.



keep praying! I love you all!
peace


the night before the foodfair also had one of the most amazing sunsets I've seen yet!

talk of the town

Through a school connection, I got invited to make a speech/presentation at the 'Bahagian Kabinet dan Dasar Jabatan Ketua Menteri.' The most I can tell you about them is that it's government related and has something to do with the Chief Ministries Office. I perhaps should know more but I was initially invited to do this presentation through a text message so... that's how that goes.

Anyway, later on, after the text message, I got a fancy letterhead-ed invitation to make this presentation to as many as 20 people who are from the Kabinet dan Dasar portion of the office. I was asked to talk about my experiences in Kota Kinabalu, Sabah, or any other places in the world I've been. It was a random opportunity but a pretty legitimate one. They just wanted to know about cultural differences and the way I've seen them. Part of me has an inkling that they also wanted to hear about how great their country is. And it definitely is. I showed my fancy invitation to some staff here at school, partly to brag but also because it was entirely in formal bahasa malaysia so I could understand all of 10% of it.  I ended up asking more questions after I'd show someone the letter, "so what am I supposed to talk about? does it say in there? does it say what to wear? is someone important going to be there? can I make my presentation in english?" The staff helped me out and helped me to feel a little less stressed about the whole thing. The text message invites continually said not to worry that this would be an "informal talk" so when I told the staff it was "informal" they said, "oh so it's formal? you should be in formal wear?" ha, and that's exactly what informal doesn't mean. My mother and my intuition told me that I couldn't just show up to this government office in jeans and a tshirt, even if the shirt is a polo. I tried to look as nicely as I could. And thanks to the Baju Kurung that Seri Mengasih gave me in November for their 30th anniversary dinner, I was rocking the formal wear, Malaysian-style.

I spent some time making a slideshow of the best photos I have so far or the most 'cultural,' simply for the viewing pleasure of the staff in the office I was giving my life presentation to. It didn't take long for everyone to know I could speak malay. I heard them talking/whispering in malay saying, "how old is she?" or "where is she from? UK?" and I would turn and smile and answer them, in malay. This led to more questions and chit chat before my presentation officially started. I was giggling saying, "I'm going to talk about all of that in just a few minutes here!" To say I impressed them with my malay is an understatement. They laughed at the funny phrases I knew and the way I could understand any of their questions. I introduced myself and the YAGM program along with Seri Mengasih but after that it was an open conversation with a lot of questions. Thankfully, they could understand me if/when I answered in English. It's so much easier to answer questions and answer them quickly in your own/first language.  But still, they appreciated my dedication to Sabah and the Sabahan malay I was speaking. It was great because this was something I was stressing out over for 4 days that turned into a playful conversation and celebrity paparazzi party. I got to get some practice talking about this place that I have grown to love so much and the school where I work and my life in Kota Kinabalu for the last 10 months. I also have a 'best of' slideshow made already, so that might come in handy someday. On top of that, I have another story to go along with my "don't say 'no' to an invitation" mentality while I've been in Malaysia.

Immediately following the presentation there was a farewell luncheon for myself and another staff member (but the other staff member who is leaving this week couldn't make it so it was... as if it was just for me). I came back to school still wearing my Baju Kurung and I giggled to myself more thinking about how everyone probably thought I dressed up nicely for them and the farewell lunch. We can pretend I did. It was called my farewell lunch but it didn't feel like it. I mean, it's not over yet. I'm still here. There will be more lunches here and amongst this staff in the weeks to come. It felt really early, mostly because it was really early but also because I'm in denial. Having something like this earlier on is good too, especially for the staff because my last day might be on my mind but it's not on everyone's calendar. They'll need to adjust to life without me, at least a little bit. I've been sadder lately because staff come up to me or are around me and say "Allisun mahu pulang sudah ni.." [Allisun wants to go home already] but, having studied the language extensively (sarcasm), I've found that mahu [want] is similar to when Texans say "fixin' ta" so... given that justifiable fact... people aren't saying that I actually want to leave them, but that it is going to happen soon. It's funnier that way, to imagine malaysians saying, "Allisun is fixin' ta go home" and it's true.

upside down

Happy Father’s dayyyyy to my wonderful papa and my handsome and healthy grandpa! I thank God for the two of you and all that you have cultivated in my soul so that I am who I am today and where I am right now!

Last Wednesday I was, somewhat, unexpectedly told that I could move to the other side of the street and live, for 1.5 months, in the Group Home. I haven’t been here for a week yet but the amenities are splendid and the change is refreshing. Packing up and lugging over my last 10 months in Malaysia was an eye-opener. My main thought: “Gosh I have a lot of stuff!” This “pre-move out” is a good thing because I was forced to think critically about what I need for the tail end of things or what can be thrown out or given away. Around the same time that I was sorting through my things (life) I received a packet from ELCA Global Mission about going back to my ‘home’ country, how to prepare for that, and… I’m not even sure what all is included in the packet. I opened the envelope, read the letter from the program director for YAGM, and then cried. Loud and heavy sobs. There’s still time here but receiving that envelope is huge. Denial is no longer an option. I realized how truly afraid of going home I am. How can I go home to a place where no one ‘really’ understands what my life has been like, where things are expensive, and where fish and rice are waaay less common? How can I reintegrate into my relationships that were left behind? Things will be different from the way I left them and I am totally not ready for that. Hopefully this packet will help me prepare for all of that but I still don’t want to look inside. “Someday…” that’s been the motto for awhile now. Someday I’ll take pictures of the new friends I made here, someday I’ll try durian chocolate, someday I’ll give my ‘aunties’ those Colorado postcards I brought from home, someday I’ll read these booklets, someday I’ll buy my family souvenirs, and someday I’ll throw out the clothes I’ve been wearing and working in for 10 months. But not today.

I’M NOT DONE!! HOLD THE PHONE!!!

I will only hear the Monday morning assembly at Seri Mengasih three more times. Three. I guess that just means I have time to memorize the lyrics to the Malaysia National Anthem ;) so I can sing just as loudly and proudly as the students do. Someday…

I’ve been having these moments or little reminders of God’s presence with me.  I was riding in a taxi and just thinking alone to myself in the backseat when I suddenly remembered that God is totally with me. I might feel alone or in the car with a stranger but no matter what I’m doing or thinking or struggling through, I’ve got God there… here… everywhere. That thought alone keeps me at peace. Thank you for your continued prayers for peace for me as things get harder for me, emotionally. I’ve got this! With you and your support haha.

Peace

my old room and all my stuff!!!

this photo is taken from the place i usually like to sit at arts and crafts. the white building on the left is the group home. the open window is my 'new' bedroom. the closed window is the window to my bathroom.

amazon

I killed my first cockroach this week. I guess I was always under the impression that cockroaches would outlive the apocalypse so there is no sense in trying to stomp on them, but after finding one crawling on me while I was trying to fall asleep on two separate occasions, I guess you could say I thought it was worth a shot. And the very next day I killed my second cockroach :)

This week was the Harvest Festival (Ka’amatan) in Sabah, Malaysia. We got three days off of work and I rounded some troops to accompany me to the Kadazan Dusun Cultural Centre/KDCA in a nearby town to see what the actual festival would be like. There have (most likely) been events going on for this all month long. We’ve seen the decorations. People had plans to “pulang kampung” [return to the village] but no one really explained what the whole deal was or how to celebrate it. What I did know was that a teacher from Seri Mengasih was in the Miss Harvest (or something) pageant and had won for her village and would represent her village at the finals! That I had to see.

Many blogs ago and about seven months ago I wrote about the KDCA. It’s a ‘cultural village’ with different styled long houses for the different tribes in Sabah. Last time I went to the KDCA it was just me and the small group from Seri Mengasih with our Japanese visitors. This time it was just me and this small group of ‘white people’ and a large crowd of Malaysians. I would go so far as to say that I only counted about 10 white people in the whole place of thousands of people! It was wonderful! I actually didn’t feel like a tourist. Anyways, the different houses hosted different activities as a reflection of what things look like at their villages around this time of year or simply how to have a good time. Fascinatingly fun! A little loud, crowded, and hot but the beauty pageant made it all worth it! All 41 ladies were gorgeous! We only watched them introduce themselves because that’s how insanely crowded it was. Seriously, I started to think all of Sabah was at the KDCA. I didn’t know this country even had that many individuals!! Just ignorance I guess. 

All the holidays I’ve experienced in Malaysia have given me… stories to tell, to say the least. It’s really just rewarding to have the experience and feel part of the area we are living in, laughing together and cheering on those beautiful pageant princesses. I’ll have these memories forever, truly. 

pretty right? pretty AWESOME!

Kotobian tadau tagazo do Ka’amatan!

peace

baby elephant walk

 Another 90-day visa expired so the YAGM Malaysia crew went to Thailand. I really needed a distraction. Lately my mind has been occupied with thoughts of going home and my imagination can only do so much especially when going home might not be all it’s cracked up to be. My imagination has, for the first time ever, become my worst enemy; something I never realized was possible.

In Thailand we talked about ‘action’ in terms of what to do after you’ve observed and reflected on your observations. We had an amazing visit to the New Life Center in Chiang Mai, Thailand. The center is for girls who have become victims to human trafficking, of all types, in the area.  The ELCA supports this center so we had a connection with them that way. I really appreciate what we learned that day and I’ve walked away with a new understanding and a reignited passion for art therapy. I got so excited when I found out they utilize art therapy at the center that I almost asked if I could work there. It got me thinking of how useful art therapy can be for all groups of people, globally. I should probably get some higher education in the field first, before I start asking places (even Seri Mengasih!) to have an art therapy program.

The members of the Malaysia crew like to assume the role of tourists when we go on our visa trips, so we did the touristy things as well. We went shopping in the street market, bought ‘Thai pants’ and ate sticky rice. Some even tried the bugs (cockroaches and crickets) but I was definitely not adventurous enough for that. We went to this amazing elephant camp where we rode on these little chairs on top of the elephants and then watched a show with all the elephant tricks you can think of! This camp is especially known for its artistic elephants. The trainer hands the elephant a brush with paint on the end and the elephant knows what to do with it! They made some beautiful pieces of art and we got to watch! There’s an entire gallery for the artworks and it’s super legit! I wish you could have seen it. We went to a different location where you can pet and hang out with tigers. Again, not adventurous enough for me to try but beautiful animals, and fantastically touristy!

We spent the 4-5 days at the Juniper Tree in Chiang Mai, which is this awesome place for missionaries of all types from all places to feel welcomed and get some rejuvenation time. The meals were very ‘western,’ to my surprise, and the facilities were superb for that ‘distraction’ I mentioned earlier. We did our group discussions in the library (no kids allowed!!) every night. These discussions were perfect for me. They helped me to visualize the mental locations of the crew members, our relationships, and think more concretely about what it will take to ‘finish the year strong.’ I really do enjoy our group so these retreats are stupendous! The only problem is that we probably joke around a little too much. Very dry, sarcastic humor too.

After the retreat Molly and I took off to Bangkok, Thailand for a few days. But before we left Chiang Mai we went bungee jumping!!!! It was amazing!! That’s another story for another time but it was my first time bungee jumping and it was totally worth it.

The best part, though, about going on these retreats, has always been coming ‘home’ to Seri Mengasih. Everything welcomed me back. I could smell Malaysia, feel its weather, taste the chili sauce, and hear the airplanes. This homecoming felt really great. It’s frightening that the other homecomings had three months before travel again and this one has only two months, but it is what it is. It serves as a reminder of how critical these two months will be. It smells better than ever!

Thanks for reading! Peace.

our bungaloo/treehouse thing :)

pretty trees

Thai tea and Thai hymn book at Sunday morning worship

we also visited the temple in Chiang Mai! it was beautiful and these were cute!

elephant riding!!

we got 'free' ice cream while some of the others were in tiger cages. literally.

dawn did us part

Seri Mengasih hosted a course this past Saturday and I helped them do the catering for the event! On Friday, after the students went home, a number of teachers stayed behind and baked cakes and buns for Saturday’s ‘coffee break’ time. I helped to package the cakes on individual plates (we’re pretty professional over here), enough plates for 120 participants. We also prepped food for the event’s breakfast. I peeled and smashed a lot of garlic. Three fingers on my left hand started to feel like they were on fire and I was really perplexed by this. When I told the other teachers they giggled and made a comment about how “after you learn this you can get married.” I’ve heard jokes like this before or when I’m washing my clothes someone might say “You’re ready for marriage now!” It’s playful, potentially sexist, but I take no offense. Anyways, the teachers gave me vegetable oil to ‘wash’ my hands with and make the pain go away. I had no idea this was a thing that happened but it was obviously not unusual because everyone knew what to do right away. Also, this trick only helped somewhat. Perhaps you have more tricks for this reaction? I guess it happens with onions too, so I’m told. Well, I was asked to be at the canteen (which is literally 15 feet from my bedroom door) at 5:00am on Saturday morning to help make breakfast for the event! I was only 10 minutes late… I helped to set up the buffet tables and do random errands for whoever needed anything. I don’t mind working that early in the morning. I especially didn’t mind it this time because I like all these teachers so much; we talk and laugh whenever we can so it’s actually really fun! Unfortunately, a lot of participants couldn’t come so all the food and cakes we prepared were… excessive. Therefore, I spent a lot of that morning eating. We had so much extra food I felt like I never even stopped eating, not to mention the culture here hugely surrounds eating. I probably had 3 people tell me to go eat every time we had a minute of down time.

I realized that I simply enjoy working hard or being utilized in any way that ultimately helps someone out. Often times I’m treated as ‘the white person’ and many people that I’ve encountered have learned (from television and movies) that white people don’t work hard; they hire someone else to do their work for them because they have so much money. It’s just the lifestyle of ‘white people.’ At least, that’s what I feel the assumption around here is sometimes considering every time I’m holding a broom someone comments on it. I represent so many people as I work and live here in Malaysia. It can be overwhelming sometimes because I can’t, as one 23 year-old young adult, help the world to understand stereotypes, races, ignorance, and prejudice. The most I can do is grin, bear it, be the example (for the United States, for young American women, for Lutherans, for white people, for Mexicans too!) and try try try to explain that media representations of life in the world are not always reality. Add that to the list of things that get harder when they approach the language barrier. I just hope people don’t refrain from giving me work to do because they think it isn’t fun or in my ability range. I’m always up for the challenge! For more stories or examples, email me. Have a wonderful week! Peace.

kindaaa early. this is probably an hour into working.

personalized cakes :)

these are mostly vocation 'trainers' most of which were there working at 5am but this is at the farewell lunch for Joan a couple weeks ago


also, the other night we had a bbq at school. these friends dont know my 'candid' style well enough yet. but they grilled up ka-bobs that had tomato, hot dog, and fish balls. fish balls are the same consistency as hot dogs and you grill hot dogs so why wouldn't you grill fish balls?

there was also spaghetti... and rice to go with your grilled goodies. hehehe. malaysian food...

simple things

Happy Easter everyone!
My birthday was last week and it was great. I didn’t have an emotional breakdown, so that’s fantastic. But I also got plenty of smiles and hugs from students and teachers here. It felt really nice to remember I have a family here too. The bakery gave me some buns and bread for my birthday and the administration office let me take whatever Maggi (like Ramen in the US) flavors I wanted! I got a birthday card from Grandma and Grandpa and a care package (but I paid the postage…) from my family. Thanks to everyone! I appreciate every little note and smile and nod and facebook ‘like’ or post. Hehehe! I am so blessed! But, most importantly, I was able to enjoy ice cream on my birthday, so I’d say it was a success :)

eating my birthday ice cream

The weekend after my birthday was Easter, so that was a different celebration. I was able to skype Holy Trinity Maundy Thursday worship but on Good Friday morning. That worked out well for me to get into Holy Week because I wasn’t able to actually get myself to a Maundy Thursday worship service in Sabah. After that I spent the holy weekend (starting on Friday) with Liz, a fellow Kota Kinabalu local YAGM. The country had a ‘day off’ for Good Friday so, naturally, we went to the movies… twice. Liz and I went to worship at the BCCM in KK on Easter morning. It was wonderful because I really knew it was Easter and I was glad to be wearing my new Easter outfit and sitting with Liz. At the same time, however, the prayers and sermon were very… typical. We didn’t think much on the risen Lord or the empty tomb or any of those things. There were absolutely no bells, or whistles. It was still meaningful though because Liz and I got to spend the day together, reminiscing on what it means to be a Lutheran and our Easter traditions at our churches and with our families. Conversations like those can keep us grounded and remind us of the empty tomb. Sunday night I skyped Holy Trinity again and got to hear some bells and whistles and see some smiling faces and feel some Easter spirit. It was marvelous! Thanks Papa for preaching and thanks Pastor Julie for giving me communion ;)

YAGM friends being silly at the movies!

sunset and dinner at the beach on Saturday. I've never seen so many people at this beach!

Easter morning sunrise. that's Mt. Kinabalu.

I'm truly blessed to be in Malaysia for Easter, thank you for helping me get here and for supporting me everyday. I love you all. I'd also like to say happy birthday to Nana (March 22) and Grandma (April 9). We are 'spring' babies but prettier than flowers. I love you both and thank God for youuuu. Lots of love and peace.

dirty fingernails

NEW SCHEDULE!

Monday:

Morning- help tender cash in the canteen

Afternoon- Arts and Crafts (Simply Chocolate)

Tuesday:

Morning- Water Play OR Sand Play

Afternoon- Arts and Crafts (Simply Chocolate or afternoon activity)

Wednesday:

Morning- Messy Play

Afternoon- Arts and Crafts (Simply Chocolate)

Thursday:

Morning- Messy Play

Afternoon- Arts and Crafts (Simply Chocolate)

Friday:

Morning- help tender cash in the canteen.

Afternoon- Arts and Crafts (Simply Chocolate OR Vocational Staff meeting)

Seri Mengasih Centre has a (new-ish) pool! It’s small but about 3 times the size of a hot tub so it could easily seat 13 people and it’s at least 3 feet deep. On Tuesday mornings I am scheduled to help with the Water Play sessions. After all the classes have participated (however many weeks that takes) then we switch to Sand Play. This schedule is fairly new, new enough that I can’t tell you what Sand Play will look like. But in Water Play the students get in their water-fun clothes, sit in the pool, and have a water-related lesson from their teachers. The lessons I’ve seen so far involve animal habitats (in water or on land), sinking or floating, and small items and large items. These lessons are fun to watch. It’s obvious that some students are familiar with swimming, perhaps their parents take them to the local sports complex, while others are anxious and just plain overwhelmed. Either way, it must be difficult for students to focus on that lesson don’t you think? Having one hour a month devoted to an activity like this is probably good for a number of reasons, but I’ll have to research and look at the data for you first. My gut reaction is that learning in a new environment with new stimulus is rewarding but, if it were me, I would be too excited to sit and learn and repeat and everything these kids are asked to do. All in all, I’m sure the benefits outweigh the disadvantages. Sand Play will most likely be the same idea; new environment and new stimulus with a tactile advantage, I just haven’t seen it in action yet. For my psychology capstone class I researched Sand Play therapy used for children, mostly the nonverbal youngsters, and the process of that particular avenue for therapy. I told somebody about my knowledge of sand play therapy and how excited I was to see Seri Mengasih use sand… for whatever objective they are using it and so I’m thinking that must be why I have been placed in Sand Play. Although this Sand Play isn’t therapy, I’m hoping I can contribute a little bit of something or learn a lot of something from this new thing on my schedule.

As for Messy Play, that’s neat stuff. We make goop and ask kids to rub it on to their partner’s foot or we make colorful gunk and ask kids to finger paint with it. Just today I was massaging vegetable oil into homemade play-dough to get it the perfect balance of sticky, stretchy, doughy, malleable goodness. I never thought my job would be so gooey! But it really is fun. We try to make the kids a little uncomfortable, force them to touch something maybe they don’t want to put their fingers in and then do it in a safe environment. Over time this could help with obsessions over cleanliness or routine or steering clear of the “unknown.” These sessions are also turned into lessons about colors, shapes, size, etc but we are thinking of allowing the children some extra time for ‘free play’ meaning on the days we paint the kids will have time to do whatever they want with their paint and perhaps make ART! and release energy that way. I love that. I guess I love it because I’m such a psychologist and I love these opportunities for freedom of expression (perhaps from the subconscious?) and playing with little activities that can be seriously therapeutically rewarding for some individuals. Whoa, dream big.

The rest of my days and afternoons are spent decorating the Simply Chocolate boxes. It has become my responsibility and I have started to try and teach a few students how to write out the word ‘Sabah’ with the tiny rope, but it’s a slow process. I am committed and even somewhat obsessed with these boxes. I count the completed ones multiple times a day and double-check every single piece. Now that I am being utilized elsewhere, I worry about the boxes and I almost want to request a revision of my schedule so that I can work on the boxes more. I have a theory on my desire to stick with the Simply Chocolate boxes as much as humanly possible: when your schedule changes, or responsibilities change, or your job changes in any way, it becomes new and exciting and newness equals fasterness. The few weeks I have had doing water play and messy play have gone by quickly. Faster than the months I only worked on Simply Chocolate boxes. If my job changes and the days go faster then my return date is also quickly approaching, a thing I do not want to happen. I am clinging to these boxes and not thinking about the sentence that came right before this one.

In other news: my birthday is coming up! And then it’s Holy Week! I’m slightly worried about having my birthday on the other side of the world, but I had it in Egypt so… Plus, I haven’t had a birthday at home in Colorado for four years already, this’ll be the fifth year in a row so let’s hope homesickness can stay away. Holy Week plans are pretty easy-going, much like my Christmas plans were. It will be wonderful regardless of what I’m doing or who I’m with because, hey, I’m in MALAYSIA! Haha. Have a wonderful day wherever you are!! Peace.

Yea Yeah

There are a number of words in Malay that are the same in English because the country was originally controlled by Britain, or something. Today I want to write about the Malay word “Ya” which means Yes. In English we can say yes with a few variations: yes, yeah, ya, yup, sure… Most of the ways we say ‘yes’ (or affirmative) in Malay have “yes” (ya) in them, which, to me, sounds so formal because in Miss Congeniality: “tis ‘yes’, never ‘yeah.’” But in Malay it’s the same! Anyways, when someone asks me a yes or no question and my answer is affirmative, I always feel so informal when I respond with ‘ya’ because, to me, it sounds like ‘yeah.’ I’ve been looking for a way to be more polite. So one more time let me say, because that was confusing, “ya” sounds informal (by English “yeah” standards) when its meaning is actually the most formal you can be with a resounding “yes!” Suddenly, I’m confused about how to respond to some questions.

Luckily, the funny thing about Malaysia is that yes or no questions are hard to come by. Here is a list of USA “yes or no” questions but Malaysia “sudah [already] or belum lagi [not yet]” questions:

Are you married?

Are you hungry?

Have you showered?

Have you eaten?

And Malaysia “other” questions:

Do you know how to speak Malay?

Can we leave now?

Do you understand?

Do you want to go see a movie?

Are you okay?

Is this pretty?

Saying “already” or “not yet” in response to the first set of questions just saves you from funny looks. Responding with “no” is a bit rude and might even mean you never plan on being any of those things (married, hungry, showered, and fed) which should never be the case. Persons who don’t want to get married are rare and slightly looked down on.

I say “other” questions because I could (affirmatively) respond to the second set of questions with “know how” “can” “understand” “want” “okay” and “pretty” respectively. As grammatically awkward as it is to respond to any of the above questions in the manner I have expressed here, it is super duper common and expected. In fact, “boleh” [can] is basically another form of “yes” haha.

I can answer “right, Allisun?” with a “ya” [yes] or “tidak” [no], that’s the only surefire “yes or no” question I can think of. So in Malay we can say yes with: ya, ya la, ya bha, eya, boleh, boleh la, boleh bha kalau kau [can bha if you] (a very popular SABAH ONLY phrase), sudah, sudah la, sudah bha, and, the YAGM favorite, mm.

Once again, I realize this doesn’t really benefit you, it’s just been on my mind lately and I wanted to share it with you. I wonder if my English will ever be the same when I get back to the United States..? Say ‘yes’ today and radiate! Peace to you all, miss you.

march newsletter

this was written February 26. i've copied and pasted the newsletter here for you to read in case you couldn't open your attachment of it :) the physical/pdf version is much much prettier...

Hello dear readers!

The past month has been a lot about rejuvenation. I spent a magnificent 9 days with my parents vacationing in Hong Kong and then 5 days at the Tao Fong Shan Christian Centre in Hong Kong. Visiting with my parents meant a lot of things, but it was most indicative of the midpoint in my year. The mentality now might become “it’s all downhill from here,” and that might be true, but I won’t have any expectations either way. Although it is halfway “over” (it’ll continue within me from now until forever), I’m choosing to stay in denial about my year here ever having an ending. The purpose of this denial is to keep me focused on the experiences right in front of my face and not the future. I have had people ask what I’m going to do when I get home and I honestly haven’t thought about it/when I do think about it I want to vomit so I’d rather not think about it. For these next few months, I am going to treasure and hold and keep every moment (aside from those that I post in blogs or email to you) but I promise I will share them all when I do get home. That I know for sure.

Tao Fong Shan is a beautiful place on top of a hill in Hong Kong. Hong Kong is a densely populated place, especially compared to Kota Kinabalu. The crowds and smog were overwhelming at times. Tao Fong Shan was (at least somewhat) removed from all that noise and so it gave me an opportunity to quiet myself and then listen. My days alone there (after my parents left) were quiet but self-indulgent. I just took care of myself through reading, napping, journaling, listening. I can listen and reflect in Kota Kinabalu too, the beach is lovely for such practices, but being in a place where the purpose is to quiet the distractions was different and hugely appreciated. I took some time to walk the labyrinth there, which is always an ineffably powerful experience for me. I ate my meals alone but in a room full of people (all speaking a different language) but even that was humbling and appreciated. It was time just for me that I didn’t even know I needed.

After those two days the rest of the YAGM Malaysia Crew joined me at Tao Fong Shan so we could all have some relaxation, meditation, training, and a renewed Malaysia visa. One of my favorite moments of our time together was when we walked the labyrinth together (but separate and at our own pace). It was a rainy few days and so the ground was a bit muddy and the clouds were thick and low. We walked anyway, in silence and with our heads bowed. The low clouds became misty sprinkles, and then drizzles, and then drip drops, and then raindrops, and then bigger raindrops until our shoulders and heads were soaked and our tears were hidden. Many of us walked barefoot and felt every pebble and puddle. Afterwards, Peter Harrits the country coordinator helped us to close the worship and said something along the lines of, “we have traveled through dirt and mud and through the baptismal waters to the heart of God. Now we travel to the heart of the world with God’s good news.” This was such a beautiful prayer for me. The symbol for Tao Fong Shan is a cross on top of a blooming lotus flower. The lotus flower carries a lot of meaning for Chinese religious culture and was adapted by the Christian Norwegians who came to Hong Kong and helped to establish the Christian centre. The lotus flower grows out of its struggle in mucky ponds so the Christians here equated this to our struggle through sin and muck and then upwards, cleansed through baptismal waters, there is new life in Christ, blossoming as a lotus flower. It’s beautiful imagery, and it is something I can relate to.

I am constantly walking through grime and sin but I am made clean again daily so that Christ’s beauty can shine through me.

This Lent I have decided to walk with Jesus through the wilderness and fast every Friday through Good Friday. People in Sabah are not surprised or unfamiliar with fasting and therefore they support me in a way I’ve never witnessed. The Muslim month of fasting and feasting is common in this country and consists of eating and drinking (I learned that water isn’t even taken during a fast) after the after-sunset prayers. My fast will also end after sundown and after prayer. It will be an opportunity to learn about another religion and grow personally. Fasting isn’t necessary to walk through the wilderness or to experience Lent but I can honestly say that it has already impacted my spiritual routine in that my moments of hunger have been moments of prayer, an undeniably good thing. Furthermore, I have made this my own personal fast complete with its own limitations and consequences. My fast isn’t a church-wide or a region-wide practice, but I hope that it is still impacting and eye opening for discovering who I am. It’ll be personally rejuvenating, but in a different way. Pray for me, thanks!

I am mindful of you all this Lent. And thank you for everything.

peace

the same deep water as you

Hong Kong was awhile back. I wrote about it in my newsletter and posted the photos on facebook. The lotus cross symbol from the Tao Fong Shan Center in Hong Kong really stuck with me. I think it's beautiful! When Peter was here he went wandering around the beach at school and found a huge lotus pond. It's strange that I had never noticed it before because the vocational side does morning walks right next to the pond. A few weeks later I went to look at it and it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Big blossoms and a lot of green. Now, more recently, I saw it and it is rundown and murky as ever. There's not a single pink flower in it and most of the water is soaked up by sand. Either way, I trust that one day beautiful flowers will grow again from that muck.

I also have seasons of muck and sin. Times of great confusion or sadness. And times of new life and blossoming. I am not always perfect, well I guess I'm never perfect. I am simultaneously saint and sinner. The opportunity to talk about theology doesn't come up very often and that is mostly because I'm afraid to share my thoughts with someone who doesn't have the same thoughts. I am a coward. Lately I have heard and read about various religions and the claim that there is one way to heaven (their own religion), all other ways send a person to hell. I just like to live in my flowery philosophy where the afterlife is paradise and beautiful and open for all people to be together in peace. I mean, heaven'll be fantastic. Life on earth is earthly and filled with human corruption but that's not all there is to life. Living here and now is comparable to paradise, right? It's not all murky and mucky. We all have daily moments of laughter, joy, flawless beauty, and peace. Little moments like these make living and serving in Malaysia totally worth it. Glimpses of what God intended us to have on earth and to be truly present here and amongst the people of the world. Right?

all you need is love

happy love month, week, and day <3 !! miss youuu