come together

My house is a bit far from everything. I have to walk about 25 minutes to get to the bus stop that has more frequent buses and is a 'tad' cheaper, that's how far away I live from any stores or restaurants (except for the fancy restaurant that is on the property right next to Seri Mengasih). With the holiday approaching a lot of staff asked me where I was going for Christmas or what I was going to do. I kept telling them I was just going to stay at home and rest. Alone. They did not like that. They would try to see if so-and-so had an extra bedroom so then I just told them I was going to meet my 'American friends' and celebrate Christmas in Kota Kinabalu or Tuaran or somewhere yet to be determined. I promised them I wouldn't be alone for Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. I was probably asked at least 5 different times if I had a 'program' to go to for Christmas. I was given brochures and phone numbers for people in case I didn't have a church set up for Christmas worship services. I was invited to so many different places that I would have had to choose based on the person I liked the most, and that's hardly fair... Instead I walked to the bus stop with my bag filled with overnight Christmas necessities and took the bus to town and met my 'familiar family/friends.' It was wonderful. Just to be surrounded by people you know and are comfortable with. We can talk about baby Jesus or secular or inter-religious symbols that surround us without worrying we might offend someone. We can talk about family traditions and giggle about them but be there for each other so tears don't come quite so quickly when we realize where we are and who's not with us.

We went to Christmas Eve worship service together, after we ate a lot of food, in congruence with most Christmas Eve traditions. I stayed the night with Liz so that I wouldn't be so alone at home and in the morning we had breakfast together. Liz has sunrises with Mount Kinabalu and the rest of the mountain range while I have sunsets at the sea. We compliment each other. I watched her open her presents and then I skyped HTLC Christmas Eve worship and pretended it was Christmas morning worship. We went to the movies and saw Arthur Christmas which was simply adorable. I'm not usually one for those type of Santa-centered kiddy movies but the timing was perfect and the theatre was empty.

The thing that made me smile the most about that day is the few "Merry Christmas" greetings I received and how many of them were from friends who are Muslim. That was beautiful. When I got back to school Christmas day (afternoon) I saw that my auntie was here and hadn't gone home yet (she was gone before Christmas Eve when I left for Liz's but she wasn't at home) so she wished me a Merry Christmas and asked me to get in the car. She didn't want me to stay here alone. It was random but I didn't want to be alone either. I had to quickly find some clean clothes and pack a bag because she was already in the started car with her husband ready to go home. I am so thankful for that invitation. We went to her house and I received more Christmas love from her family. Her niece (23 years old?) wrote me a Christmas card and made me a bracelet. She kept saying how it must be hard to be away from family and home on a big holiday like this. As usual, they made food and made me eat it. We laughed and played and talked. We didn't do anything particularly 'christmasy' but I accepted that it was, indeed, Christmas and I had survived it.

The most beautiful part about this hospitality, love, and understanding is that this family is Muslim. I'm blessed to share my life with these people and glad that they share their life with me. This relationship has become very important to me but it's difficult to explain why or how. If you want to explore it further or have any questions, I'd be happy to answer an email from you. But basically, I love it and them and Malaysia. Thanks to God for all of it! :)

This was at a Christmas party a couple weeks ago. Napkin folding fascinates me :)

hey, man!

Everyone knows my brother listens to weird music. I remember once he introduced me to some electrophunk band that he liked because of their band name. !!! was the name of the band. Three exclamation points. You could call them anything you want but I don't think "three exclamation points" was the right name. You were supposed to make an exclamation point a word. So you could call them "gush gush gush" or "pow pow pow" or any other combination of whatever you thought ! was supposed to sound like. Well, in Malaysia they use little words (suffixes) at the end of their phrases or sentences that have different functions. A couple are like exclamation points in bold font, a couple are like question marks, and one is even like a frowny face :( but with letters. Nobody told me about this before I got here but the suffixes are used a lot. It's not uncommon for the bahasa melayu (Malay) suffixes to be used when the speaker is speaking in English, so I can easily give you examples for bahasa melayu suffixes. Get ready class.

student: "Teacher, I want to go to the bathroom."
teacher: "Then go la!"

Allisun: "I think I'll just walk to the bus stop."
friend: "Don't do that ba. That'll make you tired."

"La" and "ba" are used interchangeably. I haven't discovered a place to use one over the other. The funny thing about me is that I think I like punctuation, or else I wouldn't be telling you all about this stuff. I am likely to use ?!?!! at the end of a question or ?! or !!! depending on the situation, whereas, in Malaysia, they have words that can pretty much do that for you. It is also important to note that "ba" is only used in local Sabah the state that I live in. Using "ba" identifies where an individual learned to speak bahasa Melayu.

auntie: "Are you hungry ka?"

"Ka" makes it obvious that it's a question, which is funny because bahasa melayu also has the tone change for a question mark ("I'm Ron Burgundy?") and question marks do exist. This one isn't used with english.

Allisun: "Not really, I can help you cook though, kan gu?
This one is 100% translatable, therefore, I use it the most often. kan? is like saying "right?" and gu just refers to any teacher at this entire school. If I'm talking to a taxi driver or a student then tacking 'gu' to the end would be completely inappropriate and I would probably look silly. Although they're together in this example they don't have to be in order to be used.

friend: "Sejuknya."

Allisun: "oh? where's your jacket?"
The suffix here is "nya" and the word I used for an example "sejuk" means cold. I'm guessing this one is just emphasis and is never used with english words. You wouldn't say "coldnya" but it basically means "It's really cold." I know what you're thinking, who the heck said this to me? Is there such thing as feeling "really cold" in Malaysia? And the answer is, no, not really. So maybe "nya" actually implies sarcasm. Ha! I doubt it.

Allisun: "I got caught in the rain!"
friend: "Oh lo lo lo."
Lo... the rarest of them all. Pretty much always negative. It's akin to saying "oh bummer" or "that's too bad." I'd also like to point out that it is used here three times. Lo and la are used like that. I've actually counted once when a woman said, "Ah la la la la la la" and then I exclaimed "SIX!" A little grammar lesson on this language about plurals: one word twice makes it plural. So at school we have cikgu cikgu (teachers) and I am a cikgu (teacher). Obviously, this makes typing/text messaging rather annoying so Malaysians have developed a shortcut "cikgu2" would be teachers. In a text message, if someone were to use this response to my being stuck in the rain, they would say "Oh lo3," and I'm not even joking. It's fantastic.

I must admit that I feel a little silly using a blog to talk about suffixes in bahasa melayu but I want you to share in my joy. I have so thoroughly enjoyed learning, practicing, and being bewildered by a new language. Plus, I have decided that "la" and "ba" can maybe be swapped with "dude" and still make sense. Therefore, I have A LOT of fun listening to people talk and attempting to translate their words and imagining them saying "dude." There's a lot more about bahasa melayu I could try to explain here but I have yet to figure out the prefixes... yeah they have those too. Just know that I am happy and smiling here. I am thankful for you all. I am so glad to finally be reconnected to the cyber world and I even got to pray with Holy Trinity via Skype! Life is definitely good.

It's a double rainbow. In the middle of my town.

singapore and kuala lumpur

I had a stupendous time in Singapore and Kuala Lumpur! Singapore is a fast-paced city/country with flawless public transportation, gorgeous skyscrapers, and a whole lot of diversity! It has four national languages and some Lutheran churches! We went there and met with the Bishop of the Lutheran Church in Singapore so that he could give us a history lesson of the church in this area, and then show us how to eat fresh (very fresh) seafood with chopsticks. It was great to learn about what the Lutheran church is doing in Singapore and what that means for us as YAGM living in Sabah. I went to the Zoo in Singapore, which is something I see commercials for all the time, at nighttime for “Night Safari.” I saw nocturnal animals and hung out in a large caged area where all the bats live. It was really neat! I also got to watch both shows they have: dancers with torches and trained animals. The Night Safari was really cool but it was so dark that there aren’t any good photos of the adventure! In Singapore we also went to the Asian Civilisations Museum and went on a boat ride around the city. This was the first time many of us have seen one another and we definitely had a lot to say, but it was all good stuff. We had our own worship in the courtyard of the Trinity Theological College, the place where we were staying. It was important to hear how everyone is doing now that three months have gone by and life in Sabah is really sinking in. Later that day we flew to Kuala Lumpur!

In Kuala Lumpur the girls stayed in the Lutheran Center. There we met with the Bishop of the Lutheran Church in Singapore and Malaysia to get an understanding of the culture in Malaysia in relation to religion and Christianity. We also had lunch with him and he told us there was Krispy Kreme in KL so I saved room for that! Kuala Lumpur was nice but a very different “Malaysia” than what we’ve become accustomed to. The Malaysia Crew was talking and we said that it’s like comparing some town in Idaho to New York City: same country but very different in many ways. In order to get to the popular areas, much like Singapore, we had to take the subway. After buying ticket after ticket just to get on the subway for a few stops or have dinner, we decided that the cheap and beat-up looking buses in Kota Kinabalu were more preferred. Kota Kinabalu is just smaller so you take one bus to town and then you’re there. No tickets or ticket-machines. You just hop on, hope it’s going where you want it to, and endure the heat. We went to the National Museum in KL and I liked learning about the history of this area. It was neat to think, “I live there!” while reading facts and learning new things. I’m just glad to know more because I do live here and shouldn’t be so darn ignorant about this stuff. The other touristy but awesome thing we did was visit the Batu Caves. This is something I did not read up on but it was basically a climb up steps into this gigantic cave with statues of Hindu gods and beautiful altars. It was especially tiring to go up those steps but it was definitely worth it. “A real eye opener and no mistake.”

Aside from the fact that we had to leave the country to avoid being deported for having an expired tourist visa, we also went on this retreat to learn about the Lutheran Church in Malaysia. It was to gain an understanding of where we are and where we fit in. It’s beautiful to be apart of the ELCA and work here. I like to think that Lutheran theology fits in here but I am biased towards Lutheranism in the first place. I don’t directly influence Christianity in Sabah but I am in Sabah and it is with the help of the ELCA that I am here. I truly represent the ELCA because many of the people I work with have never even heard of “Lutheran” although they live it out through loving and forgiving others and all the grace they show. I suppose it is part of my job to teach them what it is that I believe, or why the ELCA sent me here. I also suppose I should be able to answer those two questions first (hehe!).

Thank you for reading my blog! If any of you would like to hear more stories you can try emailing me or let me know your address and what you want to hear more about and I will write and send a letter to you! I just got a package from Momma and Papa with some necessities but also these beautiful cards my mom put together made from pictures I took in Malaysia! She’s awesome like that. I love you all! Keep smiling and praying. Peace.

we love to boogie

Seri Mengasih’s 30^th Anniversary Dinner and Concert was last night and it was fantastic! The whole event was to celebrate our birthday and maybe raise some money too. There was a 9-course meal, professional dancers, “lucky draws,” and bidding on student artwork. My country coordinator was able to attend but, sadly, I was so busy that I only saw him when he first arrived because I gave him his ticket.

What was I doing?! Oh it was so great! I was backstage with all the kids who were getting ready for their performances. There were a few students who were in more than one performance so they needed to change costumes quickly and get ready to dance again so I helped out a little with that. The students have been practicing for this night for a long time and it definitely showed. I’m happy that they were still excited when it came show time and they shook it like Polaroid pictures.

I was more or less officially assigned to two dances (because I was assigned to a certain teacher and these were the dances that she was in charge of); the Modern dance and the Charleston/Charlie Chaplin dance. Our rehearsals increased in frequency over the last three weeks and intensity over the last two. These kids were ready to rock! Both of our dances were near the end of the line-up for the evening with the Charleston as the “Grand Finale.” I was so impressed with their patience. If anyone needed patience it was definitely myself. It was sometimes hard to keep things organized with two teachers looking after 8 students and their things with 30 other students and 10+ other teachers in between it all. And their costumes. On at least one occasion, I would place a prop in a place where it would be easy (for me) to locate when it was time and then later be asked for it and it’s not there because someone else found a ‘better’ place for to be easy to find. But hey, everything went smoothly and it was… so… CUTE!

I’ve become very attached to the students in these two dances. I love making them laugh. Back stage I was like their personal clown dancing up and down the hallway to whatever music was playing on the other side of the wall. Their smiles and happiness were more important to me than how quiet and organized everyone needed to be while another performance was going on. I guess I didn’t care. I like dancing and I wanted them to like dancing too. And relax because it would be terrible if these students were nervous and backed out or froze last minute. I gave them a reason to laugh off any stress they might have. I like to think it paid off.

I am proud of the students for all their dancing and giggling but I am also proud of the staff. They did a great job with this event and I’m really glad they could feel comfortable enough to ask me for help with any errands or jobs they could use a hand with. I feel like I’ve been able to use some of my God-given gifts and am looking forward to using them more in the future.

It’s time for our first visa renewal and this means 90 days in this country is almost expired. The YAGM-Malaysia Crew and Peter The Country Coordinator are headed to Singapore and Kuala Lumpur. The four of us who have work (and not a long vacation because of the school year) will return in one week. Those seven days are going to be noisy. Non-stop talking and stories and processing. I neeeeeeeeed to process. NOW! I am very much looking forward to this trip so that we can word vomit all over each other, and feel so much better afterwards. You always feel better after you vomit anyways.

Thank you for your prayers for our safe travels and beneficial processing. And thanks so much for reading! Love you all! Peace.

all at once

A few weeks ago I received a revised schedule. Perhaps you'd like to hear about it? My new schedule has me with the Exam class Monday-Thursday mornings. Wednesday and Thursday late mornings and Friday morning I am in MSR (multi-sensory room). I have arranged it so that on Friday morning before the first MSR session at 9:30, I can help out my friends in Arts and Crafts who are always swamped with orders and projects. The two hours I spend there is hardly enough to make a dent, especially considering my perfectionistic tendencies lately. I still help with the concert training in the afternoons but this is the last week of rehearsals!

The Exam class is the class of six students who have regular English lessons and are extremely independent. I am there to assist the teacher if she needs anything and answer questions from the students as I am able. A few weeks ago the teacher asked me to help her make a teaching aid. That was awesome! I love drawing so my task was to make 4 different environments and then the animals that live in those environments (ie: in the house, under the sea, in the jungle, and in a field). The drawings are all cut out and laminated but I still haven't had the chance to apply velcro to all the animals and their locations in their environments. I thought it was really cool that I could use my creative talents to make something to help these students to learn.

MSR is a different environment. MSR is sweeeeeeeeet. It's brand new (practically) and fully furnished. We have different teaching and sensory tools like lights with a corresponding remote, a floor piano, tumbling mats, giant legos, distortion mirrors, a talking panel, and more. Some students have regular appointments for about an hour and the occupational therapist does stretches and activities with them. I'm only allowed to help if I am directly instructed by the therapist in charge because I haven't had the proper training to know what's best for the student. Usually when I'm in MSR we have a group of kids, like an entire class, and we do a session with them. We usually start with a small obstacle where the students practice various gross motor skills and then perhaps matching colors or saying 'terima kasih' [thank you] when they are handed an item. Next there is a fine motor project like placing beads on a thread or another activity along those lines. After that, the kids lay down on these giant mats and we have relaxation time. The disco ball is lit up with different colors and we listen to soothing music. The therapist uses oils to massage the hands of the students and help them to relax. I have no problem relaxing to the point of almost falling asleep, but sometimes it's not so easy for these kids. I can see why too. I mean, they're in a room filled with toys!!! In MSR I help to wrangle kids who don't want to listen or sit still. Sometimes I help model or demonstrate the activity/obstacle before the kids do it. I really like it in MSR. I think with more experience and training I could maybe bring something awesome to that place in terms of psychology and what types of activities are good for which kids, etc.

In Arts and Crafts I either help my friend with computer stuff, like transitions in a power point or creating a flyer, or I actually make crafts. Lately we have been cranking out bookmarks like crazy. These bookmarks are made out of recycled paper and made right there in the sunshine and then we creatively place dried twigs, leaves, and flowers on the strips of paper so that they are cute and pretty. Some of us are so enthralled with our work and it becomes a very tedious thing. It probably takes me a total of 2 hours to make 10 perfect and mostly the same bookmarks (they come in bundles of 10 so 10 are supposed to look the same[ish] if possible). I could make it a lot easier and paste the flowers on hastily, but that wouldn't be pretty!!!

Most of what is being done in Arts and Crafts is for our Anniversary Dinner and Concert coming up in one week!! Some crafts will be auctioned off and we even made the invitations and tickets for the event! This is a very big deal for Seri Mengasih. It's their 30th year anniversary. I am having a custom fancy outfit made so that I can wear the same thing as the rest of the staff. I am also co-leading a group of 6 students in the Charlie Chaplin style dance to be performed at the Dinner and Concert. I wish I could be more helpful but teaching a dance is hard when you don't speak the same language. We are the last ones that night of about 8 different groups and I am so looking forward to this! I was thrown into this assignment somewhat late in the game but it's okay. All of the dances practice Tuesday-Thursday afternoons. It is the cutest two hours of my day. No matter what happens, these kids will be adorable, but it seems like the rest of the school wants the event to be absolutely perfect. We have had rehearsals ever since the week I got here (they probably started before I got here) and we wont stop rehearsing until show time. I hope to get you a video and plenty of pictures. They really are so cute!

This is what my weeks here look like. After the concert we'll start looking at the long vacation and my schedule will probably change because of the new year. I'm excited for this dinner though. I wish you could come!

these are some photos of what awaited me when I went outside to see the sunset a few days ago

an incoming storm cloud like none I have ever seen in my life

But still beautiful enough to stand there and watch until the rain touched down

As always, thanks for reading and praying. You are the best!!

peace

well with soul

Malaysia is such a diverse country and recognizes the holidays of many different religions/nationalities so it seems like every week we have a day off for one reason or another. I actually had a compensation day for the 'field trip' I went on and wrote my last blog about. I chose to take Halloween off and that was silly because everyone at work thought that Halloween must be very important in the US, important enough that everyone has the day off. Ha! That's not true. Halloween was enjoyable even with the heat and costume combination. The week before that we had an Indian holiday that I didn't get to experience from a cultural perspective aside from bowling and karaoke with the staff (who are all malaysian). Fun, but unrelated to Deepavali. Today is Hari Raya Haji and I am resting and writing. The usual for me. Turns out I like reflective and creative time. I do enjoy social interactions and new cultural experiences, but sometimes I am lazy. No two ways about it.

This weekend I have felt particularly 'American.' Saturday night I went with Molly to the local christian church (BCCM KK) and their youth worship service called Eklektos. This particular church has english services and this youth service was entirely in English. It was fascinating and powerful. I was inspired by the love and spirit in the room with these young adults singing, jumping, and praying. My friend and the pastor's son even gave the 'talk' that evening. It is great to see him following his heart and allowing God to use his words to speak to all of the young people who were there. The next morning, Molly and I went to worship at the same church. This was also in English. I knew it would be but I haven't been to an English-speaking worship for many weeks now, so this was just different! But also, comfortable. I went to a Catholic church a month or so ago and we had communion. It was the first time in Malaysia I had had communion and it was only the wafer. And Catholic. So it was different but at both Eklektos and Sunday morning worship at BCCM KK we had communion. With grapejuice!! I feel like I doubled up this weekend haha.

Saturday was another YAGM's birthday, Elizabeth. So we took her out on Sunday; I bought her a yam milkshake, and we surprised her with all the youth at a restaurant waiting for her. It's fantastic to be with other friends as if they are family. I just hope I saved Elizabeth from feeling homesick.

This is outside of the mall that we typically go to for movies and where the restaurant of Liz's birthday lunch is. In my hand is a Yam bubble tea. I love the sweet (and potentially artificial) Yam flavored beverages I've tried in KK. It's my go-to for dessert and has a slightly nutty flavor. This was taken after I walked around KK alone for the first time and I was feeling really confident. I was feeling like a local Sabahan with not a care in the world.

pretty big mouth

So a few weeks ago I was invited to an 'outing' with the staff and students (trainers and trainees) of the vocation and transition classes. And, of course, I said yes. The trip was postponed and rescheduled a number of times. I didn't really believe it would happen until I was actually boarding the bus to head out. The staff who were going (myself included) had a meeting a few days before the trip. I was handed our itinerary and another page with information about who was to plan what. All in melay. I could hardly understand any of it. But I didn't care. I was sure someone would guide me through or I would understand through doing, "Oh we're going here now. I see..." I was a smidgen wrong.

I should probably write this with said itinerary in hand but I am too lazy to find it (this was over a week ago so forgive me if it's all foggy for me to recall). We left Seri Mengasih in the morning on a Friday and drove.... to somewhere. Then we walked around there and were told facts about something. It was pretty, whatever it was, and I took some nice pictures. It was hot. I do know that there was a building that had piles of soil made through the process of composting. I gathered that information through a translation from a friend, not from understanding the language. Later we went somewhere for lunch. We got back on the bus and went to the place where we were to stay. It was a catholic church or monastery (or something) more like a retreat center. It was very nice! I wasn't sure what the plan was so I took a nap for a couple hours. The lack of sleep from the previous week must have caught up to me. After dinner we had some large group time and the students told something about what they saw that day. Most were quiet and tired by this time. I should also mention we had a bit of a dance party before that. Some kids just love to dance and be silly. I like that. In the morning we walked up the hill from the area we were staying in to go somewhere. This part I could understand on the schedule but what we were to do there was still a mystery. At first I thought we were just walking through the grounds. Rumah orang-orang tua [old folks home] was our destination though. We greeted the old folks and gave them the goodies we had brought to share with them Biscuits, oranges, and apples. It was soooo cute. I felt out of place. I was embarrassed that I didn't know we were going there right then or what my duty would be there. I liked it though. Everyone was so sweet and happy. Malaysia doesn't have many places like this for a cultural reason. Families stay together and share living spaces so there isn't much need for rumah orang-orang tua. Still, our visit there was cute and full of smiles! Many were impressed with my attempt to speak melay and a few could speak english very well!

We had lunch and packed up to leave soon after visiting the orang-orang tua. We went to a supermarket and all the trainees were given a few dollars with the intention (I later found out) to see their understanding of having money. I was supposed to notice how the trainee/student I was paired with spent her money and if they understood the basic math or price. But I had no idea at the time and just looked around and shopped for myself. Ha! Oops!

This is the student I was paired with, Nhursyla. In melay the 'sy' makes a 'shh' sound and her name is said so quickly it usually sounded like Sheila, a name I recognize. Nhursyla is a sweetheart and I asked her to smile here. She really is happy I think (hope). We were bunk buddies for the weekend and I was supposed to keep track of her the entire time. I didn't know it then, but I was also supposed to grade her on her skills and behaviors after our trip.

We made another stop at a little monument but I have no idea what that was about or what town we were in. Luckily, all of this not knowing and confusion did not ruin the trip for me. I probably should have asked "where are we?" or "what are we doing here?" more often but I felt like figuring it out through doing and seeing for myself rather than admit that I truly had no idea what the activities written in the itinerary (in melay) entailed. I usually laughed to myself saying, "where the heck am I?" and that kept it from becoming overwhelmingly frustrating.

I said yes to this trip for a number of reasons.

1. Be outside of KK, experience life in Sabah

2. Get to know more students and staff better

3. Practice listening to and speaking in melay

4. Stupendous photo ops

5. Keep life interesting

And I'm glad I said yes.

I took a lot of pictures of flowers and other artsy photos. The ones in my previous blog are also from this trip. This was the first time I took pictures of the students I work with (these are only the older students from the vocation side and not the school side). I think it's important for you to see these pictures so that you can better visualize what my life is like. These students were so great! I have a lot of fun with all of them.

I hope you are all having fantastic moments wherever you are reading this. As always, thank you for reading and thank you so much for your prayers.

prayers for rain

Time to be honest with you. I've had some rough weeks. Peter and I hit a bump in the road but are still happy together (though many miles apart). Mom was in Texas to help take care of a family friend who is battling cancer. She came back in time to leave again and go to Arizona to visit with Tante Mary in hospice care. Oy. I knew what that meant. She would be gone from this earth soon. But I was (am) so far away from all of my family so it seems like everyone is gone from this earth. Right? No. Not right. She died last week. And I miss her. And I miss everyone. Everyone dies eventually. That fact was what made me most worried to leave everyone for a year; "What if somebody dies?! I can't come to the funeral. I can't comfort other loved ones. I can't be with family or loved ones who understand. I'll be so far away." I'm glad I got to see Tante in May for graduation. Her laughter and smiles are still with me.

But today was difficult. It was Friday here (usually a stupendous thing) but Thursday October 20 in the United States. My parents and extended family on my mom's side would be celebrating Tante's life with (whatever you want to call it) a memorial service in Arizona. Mismatched earrings. October 20 is also Mom's birthday. That hurt too. For the first time since I got here, I looked around and did not want to be here; "Who are these people? What am I doing here? I wish I could be with Momma today, on her birthday, at Tante's funeral. Why am I working today? Who will allow me to cry on their shoulder? Can everyone tell that I need a hug and am on the verge of tears?" They could tell. Funny thing about Malaysians is they don't show public displays of affection. I've observed that it's really only teenagers at the mall walking really close to each other, parents hugging or kissing their child, and married couples holding hands. That's the most I've seen. "Who will hug me?!" Of course, my sweet makcik saw my face, eyes red, and asked me if I was sad today for some reason. She said it was a guess. I nodded and tried to explain through my handkerchief. I had already told a few coworkers and I thought they would explain for me so that I wouldn't have to do it again. I looked around and they were silent. She asked if I was homesick. I held up two fingers. "There are two reasons I am homesick right now. My auntie's funeral is today." I looked down at my watch. "Right now. Right now my parents are there and..." Tears. "And it's my mom's birthday!" She walked over to me. "Oh Allisun. It's okay. Don't cry. Ohh aww." She was hugging me. Right in the middle of the Arts and Crafts area with at least 7 trainees looking at us and maybe 4 staff members. Horrifying. (such a three) This is not how I want people to see me. No one knows what to do. I don't even know what I expect anyone to do in that situation! Hug the white lady? Look away? Leave the room? Hand her some tissues? I don't know if it's because of the language barrier but three people told me to calm down and not to cry. In my world, if I need to cry then I'm going to cry! I'll probably feel better too. I don't want to pretend that I don't want to cry. But I did. I wiped and sucked it all back. I looked at my work and continued with it. I was silent.

Throughout the day I let out big sighs. People noticed. They looked and said, "Kenapa [why], Allisun? No more crying okay?" I nodded. It's painful though. I came back to my room a few times today. The internet was pretty nonexistent and I just wanted to hear from loved ones and let them know that I was thinking of them. But no. Loneliness and homesickness at its finest. My original schedule has me off on Fridays starting at lunch time but after some reevaluation this week, Joan and I decided I would go to the meetings on Friday afternoon with the vocational trainers. I was all set to do that, assuming it would only be about an hour and loved ones would still be awake and online afterwards. The meeting went longer but still, I had hope I could make it. As soon as the meeting started to wind down... the rain came. And with full force. We had to end the meeting simply because we could not hear each other over the sound it was making on the roof. Lakes, instantly, appeared between the vocational side and the side that has my family members in the cyber world of my computer. Lightning. Crashing thunder. Leaks in the roof like waterfalls. And then genuinely feeling cold (a rare occurrence). "Good night Pacific Coast time zone. It was a nice try but there's no way for me to contact you, especially if I'm wearing TOMS, don't even have my umbrella, and it's raining buckets. When you do wake up, I'll have written this and said goodbye to October 20, 2011. Perhaps this sakit hati [sick/achey liver] will be finished with its sickness. I'll still miss you though. I'll still wish I could have been there. "

In all these things I remember that I am blessed. Blessed to have Tante in my life. Blessed to have a momma to wish a happy birthday. Blessed to be in Malaysia. Blessed with rain that nourishes the flowers and plants. Blessed with the ability to feel, breathe, weep, love. For all of this, I thank God.

missed the boat

Hey everyone!

I wanted to write about this idea; "God will provide." It's been crazy lately, how I ask for something or need something and it magically appears. Of course, that doesn't happen 100% of the time, but very often. Often enough for me to be amazed.

Like I've said before, my 'aunties' cook for me, quite a bit. I don't ask for it. I just go to them to say hello and they ask me to sit and then they ask me to eat. And then they ask me to eat more. I have a large supply of maggi (similar to ramen) that I can make anytime another meal opportunity fails to come up but I've only had to cook maggi once. Once. I could be sitting outside, watching the sunset, wondering to myself, "what am I going to eat? It's Friday and I have no plans. I'm lonely." Moments later I get a text message from another YAGM inviting me to eat with her. Wow! Stuff like that happens to me a lot. Even you all, my supporters, have shown that. I wasn't worried about raising funds for YAGM. I knew we could make it work, somehow. I could take money out of savings or sell my car. But I didn't have to do any of that. God provided! Through you! Above the goal! THANK YOU! It is very exciting. On Sunday I forgot what time I was supposed to leave for church and was all ready when I realized that I was totally late. I decided I would stay home, blog, sleep, be bored, instead. I was all set to skype my parents when I saw a friend in the kitchen looking like she was about to go to church. I asked her and she said I could come with her but to be aware that Catholic Mass is different from Presbyterian worship. No problem! And just like that, I was in the car going to church, something I really wanted to do and had concluded wasn't going to happen this time around. I tend to think God is helping make all of this possible. If not, then Malaysians can read minds. One or the other.

I went to a benefit dinner sort of event the other night and it was hilarious. I just said yes (free dinner, of course the answer is yes) and got in the car. I was most likely underdressed and nothing could have prepared me for this event! It had something to do with heart disease, "Society for the Sabah Heart Fund" raising money for kids with heart diseases. The food was all new stuff, all 8 courses of newness. But the entertainment was what made it funny! First there was a band, normal, nothing special. Then there was a man who sang with a really deep voice and almost sounded like he was from the United States. And then there was this Elvis Presley impersonator with the whole outfit and hip-shaking. Lastly, a beautiful young lady who has won all sorts of national awards for her voice and even won Malaysian Idol sang to us. She sang an Adele song, beautifully. Hil.Are.Ious. Just the whole situation. Why was I invited to this random thing with all this food and entertainment oh and the fancy pants guest of honors who must have been a big deal because we all had to stand up when they came in and when they left. Sure beats sitting at home studying Melay. Ha!

He's so great.

Hmm. The strangest thing we probably ate was this vegetable stew that had HUGE, whole mushrooms in it. Other new foods include the coffee flavored meat, sea cucumber soup (not a vegetable), and sweet like candy breaded chicken.

I've become even more confident in speaking Melay. I definitely need others to slow down or translate a few words when we're talking but I'm not afraid to do that. We have a new group of 3 or 4 nurses come in and stay for a week. They observe and help out where they can (sound like my job eh?). Well I don't interact with them much but last week I just straight up walked up to one of the ladies and shook her hand and told her all about myself. As much as I could remember how to say in Melay. I am very proud of myself! Sometimes I'm shy but Monday must have been a good day for me! If I introduce myself in Melay it can be a disaster because then the person I'm speaking with assumes I'm fluent and will talk quickly but this woman knew I was still learning. I really appreciated how she continued to greet me in Melay throughout the week even though her English is probably better than my Melay. Today the staff had a meeting and they asked me to stand up and introduce myself and I chose to do it in Melay. I think they were impressed, I'm not sure. I feel well on my way to fluent. I'll tell a student to work or "don't be lazy" and the way they look at me makes me feel like I'm saying it waaaay wrong. That's been a little frustrating for me. Last week we had some big changes. My friend who had been working in the Kantin moved to the bakery and the teacher at the bakery moved to the Kantin. My schedule has me in the Kantin nearly everyday so the teacher I had gotten to know left and I'm trying to adjust to helping out a different teacher. Also, the students from the transition class are 'trying out' the vocational locations for one or two weeks at a time. So the day there was a switch there was also an addition of a couple students in the Kantin. This is rough! I just got to know the Kantin trainees, they taught me what their job is, now there are two new faces and someone needs to teach them what to do. Am I the one to teach them? It's hard for students to listen to me if they can't understand me and I can't understand them, so it makes me feel awful. I think we'll figure it out somehow though. I like all of them! We have fun just being around and attempting to communicate or laughing. It makes me smile to just think about it.

I hate to break it to you but this isn't actually what the sunset looks like. But who knew that sunset photos with the flash on makes a pretty outstanding shot? I also randomly went outside today for my daily sunset watching and saw the most amazing one yet. So so so pretty. I felt very close to God. Then I realized that the sun I'm watching is making its way up in Chicago about the same time I watch it disappear. Haha! Insane, but beautiful. It was so peaceful with the waves and the stormy clouds but perfect colors. That's where I really get to pray. And listen. I'm loving my moments and days here. I love you all too! Thanks everybody!

these days

Greetings friends!!

I'm happy to report that my life is becoming routine here. This past weekend I took the minibus into town all on my own for the first time and the only bad part was the heat! I actually went to KK three times last weekend. That's a lot! I've hand-washed and machine-washed my laundry. I am still meeting staff but I know nearly everyone's name by now and am familiar with them. I don't know all the names of the students but that would require one-on-one time with each of them. I can even communicate more and more each day. I'm learning more phrases and words. I really like when I can listen and hear a word over and over and eventually assume its meaning. Languages are fascinating, but the psychologist of me is more fascinated by the way we learn languages, are born with ears and a mouth and (usually) the ability to use them, and how our brains actually grasp a new language. Being here and interacting, even if I can't fully understand, is a work out for my brain!

I've been going to a presbyterian worship service with my host auntie ("makcik" is a word used for a woman who is older than the speaker and whom the speaker greatly respects and actually translates as aunt. but she doesn't have to actually be related to the speaker to be called makcik. pakcik for uncle. but I don't have any host uncles) and I plan on continuing to go to worship with her because I like her and the people are nice too. We walk to the airport to catch a bus that takes us to the main terminal of KK. Then we walk a bit of a distance to worship which is at the top story of a building with a bakery and random shops at the ground level. The location itself is different from what I am used to. But did I have expectations about worship with my makcik? No. YAGM=no expectations. I've been to other churches since I've been in Malaysia and their basic outline is the same. "Worship" is the first 40ish minutes and then "service" is the last hour or so. Give or take about 15 minutes. Basically, the first half is music, songs, and prayers and the second half has all your basic liturgyness. I like how the lyrics for the songs are on the big screen up front and I can practice my pronunciation and speed and yet have no idea what it is that I am singing. I can tell it's good though. I can understand about 5% of the words in any given song, so that's a start. The sermons here seem more broken down by reading. We read a reading from the Bible and then the pastor preaches and prays and then we read the second reading and then the pastor preaches on that. I think. I can't understand it. But we bring our Bibles to worship with us. My makcik tells me the verse and I look it up and read it to myself while it is read outloud in Melay. This is actually a super neat thing. It may seem frustrating but I can understand the reading, because I can read it in English, and I read it over and over and have my own reflective 'lectio divino' going on. I don't want to say I write my own sermon, but I listen to a few of the words that the preacher says that I can understand and I infer what I might say concerning those understandable words and the reading together. I integrate it a bit. But not being able to understand the preacher allows me to be in my own prayerful world in a room with a couple hundred other individuals who are hearing the holy spirit through the lips of the preacher. Is my theology totally out of wack? I just started to feel weird about what I've written here, but it's the truth. I don't understand the preacher so I just make something up in my head and keep the verse in mind. Isn't that awesome?

Even more awesome than that; my makcik handed me her New Testament Bible that's both in English and Melay. She's letting me borrow it for I don't know how long (language barrier). She handed it to me in the middle of the service and I started trying to memorize words or recognize words I already knew or could guess. I was thinking that this year I would read my Bible, since I have time to myself nearly everyday, but this is better. I started reading it a little bit yesterday. It's slow going because I read a verse in Melay and then the translation in English and then break it down word by word trying to figure out which word exactly translates to which English word, where I can find the tense, number, etc. It's powerful though. How insane would it be to attempt to teach myself Melay through the New Testament!!? Completely possible and utterly amazing. I don't think she knows what a truly powerful gift this could become.

So that's all religious and neat but here's what else I've been doing. The other day I went jogging with some friends down the beach road and to this big all-purpose park called Perdana Park. I hope I spelled that right. They have a huge playground, restaurants, like 3 different tracks/roads for walking and jogging, stretching equipment, pure drinking water station, and a lake. Every night the lake has this fountain show with pretty colors and fun music. We saw the show! It's pretty nifty.

We had Japanese trainers here for the last two weeks for an Autism Spectrum Disorders program called Kololo. I didn't attend any of the sessions, well actually I went to one seminar but I couldn't tell you what I learned, oops, but I saw a lot of interactions with the Autism Spectrum Disorders unit here at SM. Well they left on Sunday but on Friday (when all the training was over) I was invited to go do some last-minute site-seeing with them. I've noticed that I never turn down an invitation around here. Nearly never. No matter what food it is or how hot it is outside, I say yes and at the end of the day I am happy that I did! We went to the "Cultural Villages" which is this big lot with traditional styled houses. It was pretty sweet. I took some nice photos, but mostly it was just hot. You can't really ask me anything about these houses because I don't have any answers. We just oo'd and aah'd.

I knew I was going to miss the sunset so I just took what I could get from the curve of a roundabout. There are actually a lot of roundabouts here. Which is cool because I'm in the small minority that loves roundabouts. But notice, the cars drive on the left side of the roaaad. In a roundabout you lean the other direction! Haha! Crazy! Speaking of which, I think I'm used to it. We have to cross the street at SM in order to get to the vocational/senior side. My supervisor (and my own desk/office space) is on that side too actually. But lately I have looked right when I crossed the street BEFORE I looked left. I never really thought about it. And the sidewalks don't say anything about where to look like they do in London, so this is big news (for me)!
I have more stories but this is already plenty long so I will save them for another day! Happy reading! Thanks for everything. Seriously. Talk soon!

peace.

welcome home

Hello friends!

I can't remember exactly what I've already explained concerning my living situation but I have some photos of my room and kitchen. You've already seen some of Seri Mengasih and the sunsets too! I'll just describe what it's like for me here so you don't have to worry about my comfort and such.

This is my room!! As you can see, I brought mydog, I bring him everywhere. I am like a 5 year old. On my desk I have Melay notes, my computer, and some snacks. I keep all of my food in my room because I don't really have a place for it in the kitchen. I also have a terrific A/C system above my desk that can make this room like a refrigerator! Lately it seems like I have been collecting food. People just give me their leftovers and stuff they don't want. I must look hungry or too thin to them. Or they're just wonderful and hospitable people. But I have gone to the supermarket a couple times and got the necessities. By the way, the supermarket nearest to here is called Sunny. Ha. That's my favorite part about it.

The second view of my room. This is an old colonial house. Apparently it's extremely old. But they've added on and on, extra buildings and such creating Seri Mengasih. In fact, there's a small road that separates this side with the house and Junior classes from the other side with the vocational, group home, and Senior classes. I have a window here but if I open it I will simply see the hallway and the closet with tools in it. Therefore, it has become a shelf-type thing where I can hang and hook nearly anything! The floor... hmmm. When I first arrived here and my friend Dayang knocked on the door of my room to make sure I was okay she said, "How is your room? You like it? It's nice, yeah? I like. Except the floor. It make me confusing. I don't know why they put the floor this way. I am not liking it." HAHA! It doesn't bother me. It's similar to a tablecloth material, plasticy and thick. It's nicer than cement, and I can't imagine Malaysia having carpet. I don't mind it at all. The design is what Dayang was confused about though. I think it's supposed to look like rocks. Silly.

The third and last view of my room. Nothing too fancy. My big window!! It opens to the back wall of the next building. A little bit of light shines through though, enough to let me know if it's dark or light out. More bars and hooks for me to hang things from I guess. I took out the bottom drawer of my wardrobe because it was malfunctioning. It's nice that everything I have to wear and then some fits in this wardrobe. Above the wardrobe is a huge shelving unit that you can see a little bit of in this photo. It's difficult for me to use because the shelves are too high! I've put a few things but I don't have much for "storage" meaning I don't have anything that I'm not going to need in the immediate future. The shelves would be perfect for long-term storage. It's too bad. Maybe if I had some pottery or pictures I could set them up there.

That's my room! It's named after an island called Sipadan. The toilet is down the hall past the kitchen. My closest neighbor is just across the hall. My room is the closest room to the shower, which is its own room. Showering is a bit like locking yourself into a tiled closet. Everything works and cold showers are definitely growing on me because I'm never cold enough to want a warm shower!

Now, the kitchen...

Essentially anyone can cook and eat here. There is a second building where staff live with its own kitchen but they seem to prefer eating here. I haven't really asked anyone about that situation. The kitchen has rice cookers, toaster, water boiler, microwave, stoves, and fridge. All the essentials. I'm not sure about cooking here so my ingredients are limited to milk, eggs, noodles, bread, butter, coconut jelly, and salt n pepa. I have other things too and whenever someone is going to the grocery store I tag along just in case because there most likely is something I need or could use. I have found myself needing coffee, like really needing coffee, at least once a day so I'm glad our Melay teacher gave us all housewarming gifts of instant coffee packets!! The point was to determine our favorite so that we can buy our flavor in bulk. I haven't finished the tasting process yet though! One extra fancy thing about this kitchen is the water purifying machine doo-dad that's attached to one of the sinks! I don't have to buy bottled water! I'm not really opposed to drinking the water of the country you live in because eventually your body should be able to handle it but because even the locals refuse to drink water from the tap, I should avoid it too. I haven't had any stomach problems! Only minor, normal, everyday aches and pains. Life is still good.

And, finally, what blog would be complete without the latest sunset picture? Enjoy.

Love you all like crazy. Talk to you later!

that'll be the day

I have a schedule!!

Monday

1. Morning Exercises 7:30-8:30am
2. CP Unit 9-11:30am
3. Kantin 11:30am-1pm
4. OETU 1pm-3pm

Tuesday

1. Morning Exercises 7:30-8:30am
2. CP Unit 9-11:30am
3. Kantin 11:30am-1pm
4. Concert Training 1-3pm

Wednesday

1. Morning Exercises 7:30-8:30
2. English 9-11:30am
3. Kantin 11:30am-1pm
4. Concert Training 1-3pm

Thursday

1. Morning Exercises 7:30-8:30am
2. English 9-11:30am
3. Kantin 11:30am-1pm
4. Concert Training 1-3pm

Friday

1. Morning Exercises 7:30-8:30am
2. Art and Craft 9-11:30am
3. Office Hours 11:30am-3pm

Weekends

1. Relax
2. Attend school functions if I'm needed
3. Explore KK and Sabah
4. Go to church

Okay, so weekends weren't really in the schedule that my supervisor gave me but I figured you might like to know. No two days are exactly the same. That's because I rotate through three different groups for morning exercises and the afternoon activities that happen during concert training are all different. This concert that the kids are practicing for is in late November. SM is celebrating their anniversary and having a big banquet so everyone's rehearsing. I'm not sure in what capacity I will help out with that but I'm willing to do anything. The school has Juniors, Seniors, and Vocational trainees. The Juniors are considered elementary school and is made up of three fairly small classes. The Seniors are around high school age and also three small classes. On the Vocational side of SM students (trainees) can choose from working in the Kantin, Bakery, or Souvenirs/Arts and Crafts. Trainees stay in their chosen vocation for a year or so and are trained to eventually have a job that hopefully incorporates some of the skills they have already attained here. On top of that, the school also provides the open employment unit to help individuals find jobs or practice what it's like to be employed. I will know more about these units as I am working with them from time to time.

A couple other notes to clear things up: CP stands for Cerebral Palsy. Monday and Tuesday mornings will be spent in the CPU learning the basics of physical therapy with the few individuals that are currently enrolled in those therapeutic sessions here. This is an awesome opportunity to learn and try something very new to me. Working in the Kantin and Arts and Crafts will most likely entail serving as an extra pair of hands and eyes to watch the students and fill in where I'm needed.

Right now I'm feeling very fortunate. This job will most likely be hard at times but getting to know people, practicing what language I've gained, living somewhat independently, smiling at others and receiving a smile back, taking coffee breaks, and the amazing support I've had from new friends and supervisors here has been wonderful. I enjoy everyone. All the people I have met are friendly and helpful. They invite me in, call me by name, and treat me like a family member. They're the definition of hospitable. Plus, I have internet access for most of the day.

My supervisor and the school principal have told me that my schedule is subject to change. They have also talked about changing the bulk of my job in the new year so that I am not stuck doing the exact same thing for all 11 months. I'm not too concerned about that though, especially if no two days in one week looks exactly the same. I'm not just serving in Malaysia, I am a servant. There's hardly a job I won't do. I figure the more open I am, then the more rewarding and transformational my year will be.

Please let me know if you have any questions. Maybe I could make a blog about it or tell a story. I'm rarely out of ideas for blogs but I want to make sure that the information I give you is information you are actually interested in reading about. Constructive criticism is always welcome.

standing at the beach but looking towards Seri Mengasih. There it is!

The playground. Fairly unused but quite photogenic, I think.

life in technicolor

How's it going?!

Malaysia is amazing. Duh. The last few days of in-country orientation were definitely fun! We did an amazing race challenge where we paired up and attempted to follow clues that were given in Malay! Lou was my partner and we thought we were making good time, because we were. But we decided to wait 45 minutes at a bus stop for the "right" bus to take us to the next neighborhood/town. It was really fun but most of the challenges required us "trying" something so we were full by the time we got to our destination!! Haha. It was fun to test our knowledge in the real world. I'm not really afraid of public transit at all now :)

Meeting our supervisors was fun too. I was so excited when I first met and talked with Joan that I was almost crying. Everything is just going and it is all good stuff. She described the staff, site, children, my house. Plus, I had a banana split that I didn't have to split with anyone. Lovely.

We also participated in the Chinese Moon Cake festival! The real 'holiday' was actually on Monday but our friend pushed her party up so that we could go since we would fully disperse on Sunday. Moon Cakes are these little soft and chewy cakes. Some that we had were homemade so that was amazing. It's a very traditional snack. They fed us other food that night too. We were grateful. I thoroughly enjoyed all the tea they served us! But before we ate moon cakes we were invited to join in on the paper lantern making and then lantern walk around the neighborhood. My photos don't seem to portray how cute but beautiful it was to do that with these new friends. The kids there (plenty of those) were so so excited to walk with their paper lanterns! Maybe that's because it's fire and who doesn't love fire? We all had different colors and shapes and sizes. It was awesome.

The next day (Sunday) we had a beautiful commissioning worship service at one of the English speaking congregations in KK. We were introduced and then everyone prayed for us. Church members engaged in conversation with us afterwards. They were intrigued by our presence, and, like most people, wanted to know what brought us to Malaysia of all places? The pastor's kid, Calvin, invited all of us to lunch. All of us, plus all of his people. Youth group!! Lunch with 30 young adults is hilarious. In fact, I think some people left because there simply wasn't enough space. Young people in Malaysia (KK) speak and understand English for the most part. These teenagers were great! Sometimes I get tired of small talk conversation but when you're explaining LA to someone who's never been or what it means to be "from the midwest" to a young Malaysian person, it's a lot more interesting.

This YAGM Malaysia crew had to finish up our packing and get on with the show though! Joan picked me up a couple hours after lunch. She took me to get some starting out groceries but I had no idea what the kitchen looked like/had so that was a bit rough. But the supermarket that I go to because it's closest to my placement is called Sunny. I like that. Obviously. As soon as I could, I settled in at my placement site. Finally! No more living out of a suitcase. For 11 months or so, I get to use the wardrobe and desk and floor space without packing it back up. When was the last time that was my reality?

Joan asked two other staff who live at Seri Mengasih (SM) to invite me for dinner, so they did. And it was delicious!! Homemade Malaysian foooood. These two staff are about twice my age but they are the kindest women ever. They have already adopted me. They know English, but I'm trying my best to practice Malay with them. It's sweet because they constantly invite me, "please, sit. eat with us. talk with me. come with us. eat this. drink this. do you want this?" I haven't found a polite way to say "No, I'm okay thank you" because I do value these new relationships so much. I don't know the words in Malay and the words "I don't need any, thank you" don't really work. Haha! It's okay though. We walked up the beach yesterday (I say 'up' because I'm pretty sure we went north up the coast) and it was so wonderful. I could do that nearly every day. The sky and sea look great next to each other. It's a bit like a dream. I like the sunsets. You can never have too many pictures of the same sun setting on the same sea right?

At one point, my friend asked me, "Allisun, what brought you here, to Seri Mengasih, to Malaysia?" "Tuhan," I told her. She immediately said, "God bless you." Tuhan means God. I think she was looking for a different answer but she took it, understood, acknowledged that it is good.

One of the clues from our "Amazing Race" challenge for language class. Instructions in bahasa melayu! And yes, we can read and understand that :) if read slowly and with a Malay phrasebook. Ha!

Later on we got to participate in a Moon Cake party. Kek Bulan! We made lanterns with the little kids and walked all around the neighborhood with our pretty colors. It was wonderful.

The moon cakes. Some homemade! Probably an acquired taste and definitely not for those who have problems with textures or one who has a big sweet tooth. I would do it again. The tea was delicious too!

Part of the playground and classrooms at Seri Mengasih (SM). This is only a portion of the entire 'campus.' More to come.

A walk up the beach from SM at sunset will provide views like this. I can't get over it. Three evenings here and three gorgeous sunsets. They might start to look the same eventually but I will try to continue to enjoy it.

It rained a tad on our walk back to SM but by the time we got to the 'backyard' it had stopped and I took one last photo with my nearly dead camera. This is real life.